EPISODE 51: [MINDFULNESS] MINDFUL MEDICINE

Sep 24

Takeaways

This week is one of my favorites as we explored Traditional Chinese Medicine with Erin Wilkins of Herb Folk medicine. In today’s mindfulness practice, we explore the concept of duality, how to integrate and how to feel the sense of becoming whole. Find a good spot to reflect. I hope this episode can successfully remind you that you are unique but not alone, and you have the power to free yourself from anything that can hold you down.

We also explore:

Episode 50 with Erin Wilkins of Herb Folk Medicine
Code switching
Asians For Mental Health
NIH
Episode 5 with Iris Chen of Untigering
Asian American Student Stress
Reiki

Episode Highlights

02:08 Exploring the concept of duality

03:32 Removing guilt and shame

05:04 Journaling to healing

06:50 Common stress narratives of students

10:05 Surrendering control

Transcript:

Judy Tsuei 0:06

Welcome to the F*ck Saving Face podcast. I'm your host, Judy Tsuei, and together we'll explore mental and emotional health for Asian Americans, especially breaking through any taboo topics. Like may not always be pretty, but it is indeed beautiful. Let's make your story beautiful today.

Judy Tsuei 0:23

Hello, and welcome back. So this last week, we explored my personal experience with traditional Chinese medicine and acupuncture and a little bit of energy healing. And then you heard from Erin Wilkens, the founder of herb folk medicine up in Northern California, where she talked about how she learned to really integrate her true Asian identity with the work that she was doing. And we spoke a bit about what it's like to code switch and to have to navigate between different populations and different communities. In order for us to have that sense of belonging and fitting in and survival essentially.

Judy Tsuei 0:57

Today's mindfulness practice is titled mindful medicine, because I want to be able to offer some really powerful stories that I identified with as I've been working on my book manuscript proposal, and really doing a lot of research, because that's one of the things that you have to do, if you are pitching a book to a publishing house, you've got to do some market research and competitive analysis to truly understand and be that expert in your field of what it is that you're doing. So I've been diving into a lot of studies from the NIH and different, you know, reasons why Asian Americans don't necessarily explore mental and emotional health, whether that's a cultural Moray, or, you know, whatever challenges that we really haven't given a light to, or we really haven't given words to.

Judy Tsuei 1:41

I want to share that on Instagram, Asians for mental health, they had a post recently that said, one part of the racial revolution that is occurring for Asian Americans is the realization that we can simultaneously draw strength from the collective, while also not be bound and restricted by it. Our community has been pigeon holed for so long that we owe it to ourselves to expand beyond all limitations.

Judy Tsuei 2:08

I think it's really important to explore the concept of duality, because as an Asian American, we are made of these two different cultures. And so learning how to start having the both and conversations where we can hold these two realities that are often in opposition to one another and not have to pick between this binary construct of either or so that can help us alleviate the tension by embracing everything that makes us who we are. And I hope that this is what this podcast does show you through the power of storytelling, both my own and that of the other experts that I'm interviewing that there's an opportunity for us to have the and conversation. It's something that I practice in raising my daughter, it's something that I practice, in my partnership and in my relationships is yes, and instead of Yes, but we can start to have a conversation that is more inclusive.

Judy Tsuei 3:01

In Episode Five, early on in this podcast, I interviewed Iris Chen, the author of unti green. And that's one of the approaches that she takes in her parenting that she shares is that you can have that yes. And conversation that doesn't have to be exclusive. One person doesn't need to be right and the other wrong. That's a binary construct. So how do we continue to evolve? And how do we elevate our consciousness? And how do we really work together for people of all different backgrounds and internally, to be genuinely more inclusive?

Judy Tsuei 3:32

So I asked you in today's mindfulness episode, how do you integrate? How do you feel the sense of becoming whole, embracing all the parts of who you are removing that guilt, shame, or stigma, for whatever stories we've been telling ourselves of how we've been falling short, not living up to what someone else has wanted, or even what we internally wanted for ourselves.

Judy Tsuei 3:57

You know, one of the audiences that I'm proposing for my book is a younger demographic, so late teens to early 20s. And these are people who fall in college age, or they're in high school, and they're really trying to find their identities. I mean, just think back to when you were those ages, and what it felt like for you as you were trying to navigate figuring out who you wanted to become who you were, how you were in social circles.

Judy Tsuei 4:20

And I think that storytelling is so powerful, because by hearing in someone else's words, their description of an experience that you have also gone through, it helps to validate what it is that you're feeling, and helps to understand that we're not alone and what it is that we're going through. And sometimes just hearing those words helps to anchor an experience into a reality that then you can use to process and heal.

Judy Tsuei 4:44

I think sometimes without the words, it's this formlessness that you're struggling with. You're struggling how to express it to yourself or to someone else in your life, who cares and wants to help. And so that's why I've always felt it's so important to give words to the things that you're going Through, and that my job as a writer, a lot of the time.

Judy Tsuei 5:04

I hope is to be able to express something that you may be feeling or going through that you just didn't have the words to say. And by finding the words, it's one first important step towards healing. This is also why I highly encouraged journaling, or, you know, writing things down. I recently shared that when I was going through my divorce, there were a lot of feelings that I had, and a lot of what I experienced and perceived as injustices, but I knew that I couldn't convey these things to my ex husband, you know, in the middle of his divorce, he wasn't going to hear me and there was not that communication.

Judy Tsuei 5:41

But I also knew as a yoga teacher and an energetic practitioner that I needed to get it out of my system, otherwise it was going to live there, and cause dis ease disease. So in order to do that, I created an email address for him, I actually don't even remember what that email address is anymore. But to help process through those big, big feelings of anger and resentment, and you know, just all the things that I didn't feel like I ever actually wanted to say out loud, because cognitively as a responsible adult, I didn't want to put that out there and create more conflict. But I knew that I had to have the freedom of expression just for myself.

Judy Tsuei 6:16

So I created that email address. And anytime that I had those volatile feelings, I would email it and I would be able to get all those feelings out and feel like they were getting out of me out into the ether somehow that some sort of greater universal force would take care of it and help me heal it. Whatever that process is, for you. This is where we are learning the mastery of ourselves. This is where we're learning to kind of hack ourselves and figure out, Okay, what is it that I need? How am I going to get that need, even if you know, he's never gonna read it, he doesn't know the email address exists. But it was for me, it wasn't for him.

Judy Tsuei 6:50

So let me read to you a few of the things in the study that I was going through to quote in my book proposal, and it's all about Asian American student stress. And that there are these key areas in which we have struggled when it comes to mental and emotional health. The study mentioned that there were several common stress narratives that they saw these students going through, and it was one honoring your parents to finding self, and three developing an Asian American identity.

Judy Tsuei 7:22

So here are some of the quotes that were pulled out. And when I read them, I definitely identified with them. And it has been a long time since I've been in college. But you know, I think some of these traits and patterns you may identify with, too. So one of them was, "You're not supposed to be emotional, you can't talk bad can't have your own mind can't express what you want to do, who you want to date, who you want to be."

Judy Tsuei 7:45

My parents were taught to always obey and not have their own say, so they teach us the same thing. That hurts our leadership skills. My mom tried to instill a fear in me of being on the street and starving in China, people eat one bowl of rice, if you don't do your homework, have a chair with a whip. If you don't work hard, you're not going to live that long. People don't have that much to eat. If you don't work hard, you don't maintain that level, I can see that fear wash on me all day.

Judy Tsuei 8:10

And I'm going to read two more. "It seems like the parents work so hard to give the kids a better life, that they're ruining their kids. They're stressed out all the time, and they look at their kids are like Why aren't you working harder? I worked so hard and sacrificed so much to get you here. You're not making my sacrifice worth it. And then the kids are like, Well, that doesn't make me happy. And the parents were like, well, happiness doesn't mean anything because we gave up our happiness."

Judy Tsuei 8:32

My parents always tell me, we came here a few years before, when there were no generations of people who had settled here, we came here for you. We got out of poverty, there's pressure to maintain standards of achievement and to exceed that level to work hard and forego other things.

Judy Tsuei 8:46

Yes, there's definitely a different kind of stress, taking into consideration my parents situation, they did the best they could with what they knew. They show me they cared maybe not the way I would like it, but primarily and mostly for my welfare. It's a culture clash. But I really believe deep down that they want me to be happy, even though their definition of happy is different than mine.

Judy Tsuei 9:09

So I hope in hearing some of those stories, that one you realize that you're not alone, that when I share the stories of growing up Asian American, I have a lot of other friends from different cultural backgrounds who say that they have similar experiences, they might not have gone through the same exact thing that I did, but they definitely there are core elements of those stories that they can resonate and reflect upon and relate to as well.

Judy Tsuei 9:32

I hope that this shares that, you know, we're all human beings, we're doing the best that we can given what we know. I think when you become a parent, you also realize well, shoot, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fuck up my child somehow, some way that I don't even know. I often think about, you know, when you're growing up, when I was growing up, someone made a flippant comment that had nothing to do with anything big. And I took that and it became part of my core identity or I took it and it really, you know, impacted me in not The best way and I think how my daughter goes out there into the world, there are so many experiences that I don't know about.

Judy Tsuei 10:05

Also, as a divorced parent, you know, I have her half of the time. So the other half, I'm not part of her life. And so I've had to learn earlier than most, what it's like to kind of surrender that control. And then to simply remind myself that you can only control the controllables, which a lot of the times are within yourself, how do you respond? How do you choose to show up? You know, what kind of skills and tools can we instill in our children or in ourselves to be the healthiest versions that we can be, we can't mitigate or prevent all external circumstances. And that's not why we're here in life, I believe that we're here to write the greatest story that we possibly can.

Judy Tsuei 10:40

And a lot of times, those are influenced by external factors that we can't control. If you grew up like I did, where you were always waiting for the other shoe to drop, it can be a very, very scary thing. But there is a possibility to shift your mindset around so that rather than feeling like you're a victim to circumstance, or to the other people around you, that you are powerful that you do have onus and responsibility that you can indeed be resilient and handle the things that come to you to help you grow and develop wisdom, and then even serve someone else.

Judy Tsuei 11:11

When I first began this journey of teaching and coaching, I had someone say to me that there is someone just a few steps behind you who's looking for the kind of help that you can offer. And I think that's where we all are in our journeys in life. We're all in different phases and places. But we still have something meaningful and worthwhile to offer to someone else based on our experiences based on our stories based on the insights that we've gleaned from the things that we've gone through.

Judy Tsuei 11:39

So we're going to get into today's mindfulness practice. And before we do, I just want to remind you that starting at the beginning of August 2021, these mindfulness practices will become a paid premium feature. So if that's something that you love, and you still want to continue to participate in, I will soon share details on how to do that.

Judy Tsuei 11:57

And as a reminder, you might have heard this in the last mindfulness episode last week that, you know, I became a Reiki Master along the way. And I think it's always like a funny name. But it genuinely felt like something that was so resonant to me, when I was little, I always felt like there was some sort of palpable power that I could feel in the palms of my hands. And even the first training that I did for Reiki, we had to pair up with someone else. And the other woman who I was paired up with, when we immediately started practicing on one another, she was like, Whoa, I can absolutely feel the energy that's coming from your hands. And even as I'm talking about it, now, I feel like that energy is coming through.

Judy Tsuei 12:36

And if you study, you know, physicists, and what they're saying about energy and light, and how there is no separation than this energy that I'm cultivating, and that you're listening to now, I genuinely believe can come through, through whatever device that you're listening to just energetically, we can be connected, and that you can experience this healing energy. So becoming that practitioner was just so natural for me, I feel like I intuitively do this in as many aspects of my life as I can.

Judy Tsuei 13:06

One of my dearest friends had shared to me that every time he meets someone, every experience and exchange that he has, he hopes to be a person of increase. He wants to leave you feeling better from your time together, then when you begin, and it's always stuck in my mind and in my heart, because that's what I hope to be, I hope to be a person of increase. And I hope that this podcast is also that for, you.

Judy Tsuei 13:31

Now, saving going into a comfortable place. See if you can settle. You may have been running around today, you may still be moving. But how can you bring that sense of mindfulness to what it is that you're doing?

Judy Tsuei 13:55

How can you allow worries, fears, to just kind of gently dissipate for a little bit, just for the next few moments, you can pick them back up. It's totally fine, if that's what you want, your powerful you can choose. And sometimes, whoring gives us a sense of security until we learn that there might be another better way.

Judy Tsuei 14:27

So whatever feedback you hear from other people, including me, remember that this is your journey and your life. And there will never ever, ever be anyone else on this planet. Like you.

Judy Tsuei 14:43

You are a completely unique imprint into this world. And so whatever external tips, suggestions, tools, it's up to you to see what is genuinely going to work for you. As the unique person who you are, the person who has the preferences that you do, who's had the life experiences that you've had, who's interpreted them in the ways that you have. All of this is unique to you, your body, your physical being is also unlike anybody else's, the way your heart beats. The way your cells reproduce, the way you think, the way you breathe, is all unique to you. And that is a remarkable thing.

Judy Tsuei 15:37

We spend so much of our time trying to fit in, trying to be accepted, trying to be like everybody else, but there is no everybody else. Everybody else is also unique in and of themselves.

Judy Tsuei 15:55

So in this mindful medicine practice, how can we create a sense of wholeness and integration? How do we start to allow ourselves to feel whole. And I always like to say that the first step begins by calling all parts of yourself back to you. So similar to what I said about how Reiki energy can permeate through all time and space.

Judy Tsuei 16:24

In every exchange that you've had, you've shared a part of yourself, even with strangers getting gas at the market, little parts of yourself everywhere in the world. phone calls, conversations. And that's okay. And that's totally natural, absolutely normal. Maybe there are parts of you that are lingering out there right now that need to come home.

Judy Tsuei 16:51

Maybe there were relationships that went sour, or that are unresolved. And there are parts of you still there waiting for resolution, waiting for some sort of conclusion. But instead of waiting, how about bringing yourself back, so inviting all those parts of you whether you realize where they are, or not calling all parts of you home, and taking the next few cycles of breath to do just that.

Judy Tsuei 17:48

And you heard at the start of this episode, all the stories from different people, and all the expectations that were placed upon them. So maybe that's also happened to you. Maybe there are expectations that you are aiming to live up to, that were never aligned with your core beliefs or who you are, but you've done them to please someone else, to be accepted, to feel loved. We all want to feel loved. And the risk of not being loved is so painful, so devastating and disappointing, that we are willing to bend in all sorts of directions to fit someone else's expectation of what it is that they want from us.

Judy Tsuei 18:34

And yet, you probably have felt it in your soul, that it never feels quite right. doesn't ever feel quite as satisfying as when someone loves you and accepts you just the way you are without having to change one single thing with all of your perceived flaws and mistakes, that they love you just as you are. That feeling is very different.

Judy Tsuei 19:08

And that feeling requires a kind of maturity requires a sense of feeling solid and safe and stable within ourselves. That we can connect to a universal source of love. that it does not need to come from one place. one specific person one source but that can be all around us, like air. So how can you breathe that in? How can you breathe in self compassion, Grace, forgiveness for yourself and for others who have placed those expectations on you. for yourself who's tried so hard to fit them?

Judy Tsuei 20:06

Can you give yourself a moment of affection and love right now, to know that you were doing the best that you could. And that ultimately what you wanted was love. And that is a very natural, beautiful thing to watch.

Judy Tsuei 20:41

So with that, there may be parts of you that are holding on to external pieces of other people. And it's time to also return those back to where they belong, so that the others can also become whole. So whatever it is that you're holding on to, can you start to lighten the load, lessen the grip, kind of shed those other things, extraneous things, and gently with respect, and kindness, return them back to where they belong, to who they belong to. So that everyone else can also become once again, whole.

Judy Tsuei 21:47

And then these last few moments of practice, is there anything else that your higher self would like to communicate with you, anything that you connected to the infinite wisdom wants you to know.

Judy Tsuei 22:33

Now, when you're ready, bring your palms together at your heart center. So whether that's one palm directly on your chest, and the other one right on top of that on the back of your hand, or whether you want your palms together in prayer pose at your heart center, whatever it is for you, whatever is going to feel most comfortable, will seal the practice and seal the sense of becoming whole. You can come back to this practice at any time to call the parts of yourself back to you and to return anybody else's that belongs to them. You can come back to this to remind yourself that there are multiple parts of you to integrate together. And that forever as you learn and grow and evolve as a person. This will be a perpetual journey, your practice of your life. Bowing your chin to your chest and a moment of humble gratitude.

Judy Tsuei 23:31

And then lifting the crown of your head up towards the sky. taking a moment to remember that we are all interconnected. That the more that you heal, the more that you help to heal the world. Putting your eyes open, coming back into this space back into your body. Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope that you have a wonderful rest of your weekend or whenever you're listening to this podcast wherever you are in the world. I appreciate your support and feel free to share this with a friend who you feel might also benefit from this practice today. Thank you.

Wilder 24:09

Please rate my mom's podcast. Give her five stars. If you want to chat with my mom, go to good pods doc calm. That's where you can follow and talk to your favorite podcast hosts like my mom.

Judy Tsuei 24:28

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you liked what you heard and know someone in your life who might also benefit from hearing this episode, please feel free to share it with them. Also, if you'd like to support our show, you can make a one-time donation fcksavingface.com. Or, you can make a recurring donation at patreon.com/fcksavingface. That's “fck” without the “u.” Subscribe today to stay tuned for all future episodes.