Episode 143: F*ck the Checklist: Redefining Success for Voices of Color
In this episode of the F*ck Saving Face podcast, Judy shares personal experiences and reflections on life, mental health, and the journey of self-discovery.
The conversation emphasizes the importance of embracing imperfection, living authentically, and the significance of personal growth, especially within the context of intergenerational trauma. The host encourages listeners to find grace in failure and to be true to themselves, highlighting the beauty in life's challenges and the importance of self-compassion.
Sound Bites
"It's about what can we do?"
"Be wildly you."
Takeaways
Empowerment comes from breaking through taboo topics.
Travel experiences can lead to personal growth and reflection.
Intergenerational trauma can be addressed through storytelling.
Embracing imperfection is key to living authentically.
Self-compassion is essential in the journey of healing.
Life's challenges can be beautiful if we allow ourselves to see them.
It's important to live for oneself, not for others' expectations.
Finding grace in failure can lead to personal freedom.
Every individual has a unique story that deserves to be told.
Being true to oneself inspires others to do the same.
Episode Highlights
00:00 Introduction to the Podcast and Personal Updates
05:48 Embracing Imperfection and Living Authentically
Transcript:
Welcome to the F*ck Saving Face podcast where we're empowering mental and emotional health for Asian Americans and voices of color by breaking through taboo topics. Life may not always be pretty, but it is indeed beautiful. Make your story beautiful today.
Judy Tsuei (00:19.226)
So, so much has been happening lately. And it's been so much that I haven't even sent out a newsletter in like a month and a half, which is completely unlike me. I also haven't been as active on social. So I've taken three trips this last month, one to the big Island of Hawaii for a next level Huna ancient Hawaiian healing traditions training. The next one to Vegas to see dead and co.
at the Sphere in a suite. And while that music isn't what I normally listen to, it's definitely what my partner listens to. And it was quite the experience to be in that space and to be around, you know, people who love that music and just to experience what the Sphere in Vegas is like. Historically, I have not loved that town, but since dating my partner, every trip we've taken there has been amazing, super fun, filled with nature on top of all things.
And I thought it would be overwhelming to be this fear for someone who's highly sensitive and also just, you know, sensory overload is really easy for me and the energy that I read from people is a lot. But this was totally worth it. And we flew back on JSX, which is a kind of semi-private jet, which just made the weekend so sweet. And finally took my daughter to South Carolina.
to visit my trainer and his wife and to stay at their newly built home. And of all things, could you believe that while we were there, this tiny town outside of Charleston, South Carolina, the last time that I was there was 20 years ago when I worked on Hilton Head for a year. I started a job on my birthday working for Learjet, quit on my birthday a year later, drove cross country with the dog.
and then ended up moving to China to go teach English, which then led to me working at an expat magazine, the biggest expat magazine in all of China. So that time of my life in South Carolina was not great. My eating disorder was at its worst or what I thought was its worst until it got even worse when I moved across to China and realized I couldn't escape myself running all the way to the other side of the world. So being able to be back there this time around and
Judy Tsuei (02:34.892)
being with people we love in a really comfortable, enjoyable atmosphere, and being able to work out every day with a trainer who's definitely gotten me in the best shape of my life. It was so lovely. Then, on top of that, I realized that my daughter's gonna be with her dad for three weeks in the summer. He's taking her to an elephant sanctuary in Thailand to volunteer. And this is the first time that we will have
a longer chunk, longer than two weeks of one of us getting her. So I had promised myself that I would use that three weeks to complete the manuscript. I had made progress. It stalled a bit as I have branched my company. We did a rebrand so that now we're a nice tiger focused on personal branding for clients, high achievers, visionaries, executives, C-levels, entrepreneurs, the whole like, and then with coaching and with NLP coaching in particular.
So basically my business not only rebranded, it also split into two different companies and then a lot of other stuff, you know, unfolded in the mix. And so I brought my daughter to South Carolina for her spring break. And while we were there, I realized, I could be here for three weeks. It'll be great. Cause then I could work out, which will be an amazing outlet for me as I'm writing. And I'll be around people who feel like family. And while we were deciding that they invited their neighbors next door, literally the house next door.
come over. So my trainer and his wife have made friends with everybody in this new custom-built neighborhood. And they were there talking and they were saying, Judy's going to come back and write her book. And of course, I talked about what my book is about, which is being raised by Tiger parents and how it's never too late to have the life that you want to have and how you can heal intergenerational trauma.
So as we were talking about that, their neighbor said, well, our children's godmother is from Taiwan. And actually we didn't realize, but she's a direct descendant of Chiang Kai-shek. So my family was in the nationalist military. It's the reason they fled from China to Taiwan because the communist military was taking over. And so her children's godmother, that lineage had a direct impact.
Judy Tsuei (04:52.362)
on my parents' And the fact that they knew who Chiang Kai-shek was, the fact that they knew who the Song sisters were, this godmother took their son when he was 15 to Taiwan. He was like, my gosh, we're being treated like royalty here. They had no idea. And so this woman moved with the family. She's been in their lives for 20-something years, moved with them to South Carolina from Maryland where they were from. And the next day, as we were getting ready to get on our flight to leave,
neighbors texted and said, Judy should come over and meet her. And so my friends were saying, she doesn't have time this time, but she'll be back in the summer. And I just marveled at the coincidence, the serendipity. How could that have unfolded? Could you imagine as I'm writing this book to be able to talk to someone who historically has this tie and this connection in such a profound and meaningful way? I still haven't even fully wrapped my brain around it. So
With all of that stuff going on, it's been quite busy and the podcast has taken a little bit of a pause. We're actually going to go on hiatus after a few more episodes with some amazing interviews. And there's just been the growth of my company. There has been interpersonal developments. And this episode is about the cheat sheet for all eternity. So how you can live shamelessly.
even if you feel like a hot mess. It's about what can we do? I'm always looking for the most efficient path forward. And if you don't have time to read all the books that I'm working on or if you don't have time to listen to all the podcast episodes, what can you take away that's going to be helpful for you? And I believe that it's can we learn to fail with grace? Can we learn to
fail and fail again and not have to be perfect. I realized recently that all of this work that I've done on myself, in the back of my mind, as I'm peeling away all these layers, there's still this fear of being punished, this fear of getting it wrong, this fear that somehow I'm going to do something and be attacked for doing it. So I have areas that I need to work on to understand that being human is awkward at times.
Judy Tsuei (07:10.818)
It's being able to embrace what we don't know right now and instead of turning to the past with our current wisdom and beating ourselves up for it, being able to continue to move with grace towards the future and see how else can I show up? I was working with a client today and we were talking about her stepping into this goddess energy, this grounded Gaia energy. What I learned when we were at this Hoonah training on the Big Island
is you don't just get the good, you don't just get the light, you get everything in balance, you get the shadows as much as the light. So the more that you step into your light, the more it also amplifies the shadows, more of those cracks and creases are illuminated. And what happens then? Do you have the wherewithal, the tenacity, the resilience, the self-grace and self-compassion to continue to move forward and to continue to allow yourself to be human?
And stepping into that, I think we have this idea that it's gonna look pretty, but I don't know where that's written that evolving is a pretty journey. I've said from the beginning of this podcast, life may not always be pretty, but it is indeed beautiful. Make your story beautiful today. And so I wanna offer you the questions of where are you still trying to pass the test?
What would happen if you stopped trying to cram for the answers and then just started living? There were so many times throughout this month where I just paused and said, my gosh, this is my life now. I have gone through such hardship and this right here, this is my life that I have worked so hard to build. And I don't want to continue to live in the fear that I'm going to get to some point and realize I missed the point the whole entire way, that I missed what I had been trying to work so hard to do, that
I didn't fully enjoy it and allow myself to revel and allow myself to laugh at myself and to, you know, spill on myself or trip all over the things. And that's metaphorically and literally, and that I want to be able to enjoy that fully. And what would happen if you started living truly for you? That you keep moving forward, talking to your inner child.
Judy Tsuei (09:29.878)
like the auntie that you wish you had, or the parent that you wish you had. And that's something that I'm continually learning too, is every time I feel that sense of vulnerability and doubt that I ask myself, what is it that I need? What do I need to give to myself? It's something that my mentor works with me on. What do I need? How do I give that to myself? And the more that I can do that, the less critical that I become about everything and everyone else around me. And...
remembering that every time you show up differently and you heal and you thrive, someone else gets to see that that's possible for them too. And that is, I think, the ultimate cheat sheet. mean, isn't the cheat sheet us trying to learn from somebody else and to get all the answers and to, you know, kind of like shortcut? And so what better shortcut than being that inspiration, than seeing somebody else doing the thing and allowing yourself to
know, be that inspiration. So I hope that ultimately this season, all of these episodes are encouraging you to be free from people pleasing and shame and getting it right, to stop living by someone else's standards or rubric or grading system, and that you get to be wildly you. So you've probably heard me say this many times before, but from the beginning of time ever after, there will never ever be another you. So be
Wildly you. With all that, I hope that you have a beautiful week and that you enjoy the upcoming interviews that are going to be in the rest of the season and that you stay tuned for all of the other exciting adventures. You can make sure you're signed up for my newsletter at judycway.com. You can see about, you know, what else I'm up to on Instagram and on LinkedIn under my name as well.
and just know that I am right along here with you, living and growing and being. All right, sending you all the love.
Judy Tsuei (11:34.072)
Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you'd like to support me and this show, please go to iTunes and leave your review. It means so much to me and it'll help others find this podcast. I'll catch you in the next episode. And if you'd like to stay in touch between now and then, please visit wildheartedwords.com and sign up for my weekly newsletter. I've had people share with me that it's the best thing to arrive in their inbox all week. Aloha.
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Keywords: mental health, emotional health, Asian Americans, personal growth, intergenerational trauma, self-compassion, authenticity, life experiences, healing, personal branding
