Episode 127: Embracing Imperfections: Self-Discovery & Cultural Identity with Betty Chan
In this episode of the F*ck Saving Face podcast, Judy Tsuei interviews authenticity life coach Betty Chan, exploring themes of mental health, cultural identity, and the impact of authoritarian parenting.
They discuss the concept of code-switching, the importance of finding safety and authenticity, and the Japanese art of kintsugi as a metaphor for embracing imperfections. The conversation delves into managing emotions, particularly anger, and the coaching process as a journey of self-discovery. Ultimately, they emphasize the value of gentleness over toughness in personal growth and relationships.
Takeaways
Empowerment comes from embracing mental and emotional health.
Cultural experiences shape our identities and behaviors.
Code switching can create confusion in personal identity.
Finding safety is crucial for authentic self-expression.
Authenticity evolves over time and requires self-reflection.
Kintsugi symbolizes the beauty in our brokenness.
Anger can be a powerful catalyst for change.
Coaching is a collaborative journey of self-discovery.
Gentleness is a strength, not a weakness.
Healing intergenerational trauma is a vital process.
Episode Highlights
00:00 Introduction to the Journey
02:10 Defanging the Tiger: Understanding Authoritarian Parenting
03:38 Exploring Code Switching and Identity
06:44 The Complexity of Cultural Identity
10:31 Finding Safety and Authenticity
13:21 The Evolution of Authenticity
19:44 Kintsugi: Embracing Imperfections
24:05 Managing Anger and Emotions
27:46 The Coaching Process: A Road Trip to Self-Discovery
30:48 Embracing Gentleness Over Toughness
Transcript:
Judy Tsuei (00:02.668)
Welcome to the F*ck Saving Face podcast where we're empowering mental and emotional health for Asian Americans and voices of color by breaking through taboo topics. Life may not always be pretty, but it is indeed beautiful. Make your story beautiful today. This week's episode is an interview and here we are in Spain.
My daughter and I are in the Basque region. We are currently in San Sebastian. We've experienced torrential rains, winds like we've never experienced before, and we still went out on an adventure. We went to Onda Riviera and these little seaside towns are so beautiful with this castle-like architecture. It's been a wonderful experience to be with my daughter. And if you follow me on LinkedIn or on Instagram, you'll see that we were at this Pinkstow bar, which is there atop us, and this place is known...
Here we are in San Sebastian for their Basque Cheesecake. And there was a long line of people. What I realize now is that it's kind of like self-service. Like you kind of order with whichever server you see and then you go sit down and you eat. I also have realized that people are drinking beers and wine at nine in the morning. So all these different elements of culture. And we're standing there eating at the bar, wedging ourselves in wherever we could.
And as we're eating, I see this long line forming out the window. So I look at my daughter and I say, you know, we should hurry up so we can give these other people some space and allow them to come in and eat as well. To which a gentleman behind us said, you don't need to rush. This is Spain. There are some things that deserve to be savored. And it was such a wonderful reminder that coming from the States, coming from...
Tiger parents who are always all about making the most of every moment and making sure you're constantly vigilant about everyone else's needs. It was nice to be reminded to just be and enjoy. So without further ado, I'm going to introduce you to Betty Chan. She's an authenticity life coach who guides code switchers to confidently embrace who they are by shedding their armor. She believes like I do and exploring life's messy and confusing moments.
Judy Tsuei (02:10.594)
helping her clients find unshakable trust in their decisions and who they are becoming. At the core of Betty's approach is this concept of kintsugi. Her coaching, much like the Japanese craft, embraces mistakes and contradictions to build a stronger and more beautiful version of ourselves. This gentle distillation creates a ripple effect of positive transformation that not only reshapes our internal landscapes, but also extends to the communities we engage with. If you're ready to put down your armor, check out this episode.
I am very excited to have Betty Chan here. This is all about step three, which is defang the tiger, unlock your inner strength and courage. And if you haven't yet gone to Kickstarter to check out and support the campaign, I would be honored if you would take the time. The video that's at the top is of me and my daughter and she's reading journals that I had written at her age. So people have told me that it's made them cry. And I would just love your support as we rally this movement around underrepresented voices that need to be heard.
Alrighty, I'm so excited to have Betty Chan here today. We are going to pull apart step three, which is defang the tiger. And ultimately all of this is kind of sharing about what authoritarian parenting, what the impact of that is like and how to continue to find a way that works for you in your own life, given, know, when you have really strong parental figures in that way, or maybe that weren't very supportive, what can you do if you're trying to pave your own path? And then especially like if you're
then healing intergenerational trauma and then moving forward in your life from there, what do you do? So I love that Betty Chan is here. She's an authenticity life coach and facilitator. And I'm going to turn it over to you to share more in your own words about what it is that you do. Yeah, I'm really, really excited to be here. And this is a conversation that I feel like we all should have.
So a bit about me, as Judy mentioned, my name is Betty Chan, pronoun Shi-Tay, and I am an Authenticity Life Coach and Facilitator. And it's a phrase I chose because it's one of my core values of authenticity. And I really wanted to bring that into how I coach as well. So oftentimes when I work with folks, you'll find that coaching with me feels like it's a bit of a place where you straddle between the healing as well as the goal setting.
Judy Tsuei (04:26.796)
I don't feel like you could do one without the other is my personal opinion at the moment, especially if you grew up as a code switcher, as someone who constantly felt like you had to be another version of yourself in order to survive, in order to belong, in order to be accepted and so forth. And just how do we return back to who we are so that the choices we make going forward become more meaningful, intentional, and we're finally in power of who we want our lives to look like and who we want to be.
So code switching, I love that term and I didn't have the verbiage for it until maybe a couple of years ago when I was interviewing someone else and she was telling me about that term. And I felt like that's exactly how I had to live my life growing up. I had one set of expectations from my parents and then, you know, just even trying to make friends or grow up in Western culture. When at home, we were very traditionally Chinese and the deference to elders, you know, not speaking up, doing all those things, going to school.
being expected to do something completely different, which is raise your hand and be independent and have an opinion. And don't be afraid to make mistakes like those kinds of things. So I think that's so confusing for a young brain growing up and then not to have the languaging around that. And as you grow up in our modern day society, also, like all the stereotypes were put upon us growing up, the model minority myth, all of those kinds of things. And even just whatever gender, however you're showing up, whatever that entails.
So can you talk more about that? Cause when you shared your bio with me and you reached out to me, that word completely stood out to me. And I would love to amplify that more because I think as a writer, once you have the words to explain what it is that you're going through, you feel so liberated. And then to hear somebody else echoing that and like reflecting back to you these truths, then you feel a sense of belonging. So I would love to know how you define code switching and like, you know, how your work is rooted around that.
Yeah, I think I'm having that moment live right now. It's like, I've used code switching and it's part of how I introduced myself. So in a way it becomes a word that's a little overused in my life, right? And I start to get a little distance into like, what was the original reason I chose that? Similar to you, I did not know of the term until the podcast, Code Switchers, and that was...
Judy Tsuei (06:44.002)
when I was just first being introduced to like racial training in the workplace. And then what does that mean for me as one of the few Asian female leaders in an organization that's very progressive, but still very white led at the same time. So just uncovering that. And I have to say, I probably didn't even start to like untie that knot until recent times. I'm like, how have I been code switching? And like, yes, I get that.
There's a professional side where you speak in full sentences, you don't curse in a meeting room, et cetera. And then there's a side of me that's like, shit, f*ck, I'll just lay left and right when something doesn't go the way I want it to go. And yeah, just like peeling back the layers of also reflecting on exactly like you said, like the upbringing that we have in the household. So there's, am of my family, I'm the first one to be born in the U.S. So there's that like Asian American, the two cultures that straddle there.
But even then I shared with you in my bio when I reached out to you actually not exactly my bio that I'm still an Asian who's trying to figure herself out because my parents are actually Burmese, but I was raised in Chinese culture, but at the same time taught to hate Chinese people by the same woman who's teaching me to adopt those cultures. it took me a very long time until older to realize like, my mom was teaching me.
to embrace Chinese culture, one, because that is part of our genetic heritage, but also for her, it was a means of survival when she had to flee Myanmar to go live in Macau. So for her, was like a way of like kind of just like assimilating into the Chinese culture of that time. And her mom taught her that survival strategy. So when she came to the States, she was like, I'm a mom. I want my kid to be safe. So let me use the same strategy that's worked for me without realizing that
Now I'm extra confused on two layers. I'm like, am I Chinese? Am I Burmese? Am I Asian? Am I American? Like, what's happening with me here? And of course there's always the phrase of like, am I Asian enough? So that peels back on the layer. So the code switching can get rather complex of like, just where do you feel like you're in your own skin? Where do you feel like you could, I also use a term of like putting down your armor, right? Like where do you feel safe enough that you can stop taking off these
Judy Tsuei (09:05.87)
extra facades of who you are that you had to put on for good reason so that you can finally like take a breath and like take that burden off your shoulders and just show up as you. think what you're saying about taking off the armor is ultimately this defanging the tiger is what that's about. you know, I think that, yeah, there's different circumstances in which our elders had to viscerally like flee with their lives or were, you know, under extreme persecution. So it makes sense that they would do
everything that they could. And similar to you, I grew up with my parents being raised in Taiwan, but having fled from China because the communist military had taken over. And then so we weren't really Taiwanese, but we were told like, you know, that China was bad. And then in college, they were like, no, you're Chinese. And that's what we're going to be. I'm like, what the? Like what? And then, you know, mixing the whole like growing up with like predominantly white people and like, what do you do there? And so I think that the taking down your armor is such a
Like I feel like it's, and I don't know if this is the right word for it, but it's a very luxurious place to be, to be safe enough that you can be like, I can shed this now. And I think for so many of us, we hadn't had that freedom or that sense of safety until much later in our lives to even start asking these questions and to realize that you were holding onto so much armor. then to, in addition to that, peel it back and like put it down.
That's like a whole other thing. So I feel like there are so many of us in our age range where we're in like our middle of our lives, like figuring out, you know, wait a minute, who am I? What am I? What do I believe in? And then when you're raising children here in the States, like my daughter's biracial. So that's another component of, you know, having things on top of it. So I love what you're saying because I think that in similar in coaching and you probably see this too, but unless you feel safe,
you won't actually be able to dive deep enough to explore things that may be really helpful for you. And so to get to that sense of safety is so huge. And if you're raised in any sort of trauma or abusive environment or anything like that, how do you help your clients find that sense of safety to become authentically more themselves? mean, another reason why I love the armor
Judy Tsuei (11:28.994)
visualization is because I'm thinking back to my journey and very similar to how I support my clients in this too. It's like there were at least two decades where I didn't realize the armor was even on, right? So to even recognize that it's on and then to attempt to take it off only to find resistance. Cause like, Ooh, I don't know how to be without this piece. Like my arm literally is like solidified into the shape. how do I take it off? And then I think the last part is as you say, like,
when we do finally feel ready, like how do we cultivate that safety? Because safety is not a sense, there's no permanence to that either. Like I remember being in so many environments where I thought I would be safe, like with family, with mentors, with people who I looked up to that I thought would have my back in times of like guiding me through different life stages, and not to fault them per se, but that was just the assumption I carried and I never voiced out loud.
So learning then of like, okay, if safety can always be created and if safety is not a permanent thing, how do I then develop the skill to cultivate that for myself? And a lot of it is doing that inner work of like, what is authentically me? Do I understand it? Can I say it out loud? Can I feel good saying it out loud? And I think over time, it's just like our neural pathways start to reform, right? It's like the things that we learned that was so deeply grooved into our minds and our bodies.
can finally get a chance to take a new shape if we are able to take that armor off. So authenticity is a term that's thrown around a lot now. How do you define it? How do you know when you're being authentic? there was a term that you said at the start of the interview, and it was something along the lines of like, as you know it now, which I loved because it gives you that spaciousness to continue to grow and evolve. And I think that, like you said, safety is not a permanent state. Well, mean, growth is a continual
evolution and changing. So what we know now is great, but like a year from now, five years from now, you're be like, I was so naive. Or like, you know, there's so much more to learn. So, you know, I would love to hear that from you. How do you recognize authenticity and, have the opportunity for it to continue to evolve and grow? Yeah. The first part of my answer might annoy a lot of people listening. You just know.
Judy Tsuei (13:47.554)
I think we've all been a room where we just like can feel it's a palpable presence when it is there. But to put it more practically, because it is something I've been thinking of too. It's like, I chose this phrase as part of my coaching three, four years ago. And like now, especially in the era of like fake news and everything else and performance, it's like, how do I get even clearer in terms of what I mean by that? And oftentimes what I come back to is like, are we making choices that are rooted in our values? Which takes
first knowing our values. And then there's also sense of like, are we able to recognize what shaped us? The beliefs, the experiences, could be traumatic, could be just regular old interactions as well. But knowing and understanding the impact on us and being able to not hold it from like a victim mindset. Like, I can't believe this person did this to me. I can't believe I never got this opportunity. I don't mean to put all the blame on ourselves, but recognizing like, hey, we have
power to you in these situations. had choices in these. And I say it sometimes what a lot of code switchers need help recognizing is what are those non-choice choices that we've made for ourselves by opting out of a choice. We actually made the choice to allow someone else to create that for us. And being able to see all those, that collection of experiences over time that feel like they don't fit, feel like they're like jagged pieces of who we are contradictions and come to a place of like, these are
beautiful steps in our story. like, Judy, I know you mentioned at the top of most of your episodes that like life isn't always easy, but it's really beautiful as well. And I think it's learning to see through that lens brings out the authenticity because if we carry that chip on our shoulder, I think what's very natural at that point is you start showing up as a reaction to the person across from you as opposed to just showing up as yourself. And I think that's when you can sense it.
if someone else is authentic or not. I hope that answered the question for folks. Yeah, I mean, you know, definitely. Like I'm thinking about the way that I've been writing the book. And I think that it's funny, there's a woman who I know on Kawhi who is a couture fashion designer. And I thought she was so inspiring because she was telling me her journey of when she was a little girl in Russia, living in Siberia, like there was no opportunity. And she full on took her young self and moved to Paris and like,
Judy Tsuei (16:13.07)
charged into the top fashion houses and was like, I'm a designer, know, recognize me and whatnot. And so I've always seen her as someone who is exceptionally capable and being a creative artist and changing her life circumstances. And I shared with her, hey, you know, like the Kickstarter for my book is now open and
she said, my gosh, I remember you talking about this project years and years ago when you were living on Island. My daughter is nine now. She was like a year and a half and under and she knew me before my daughter was born. So like over a decade. And she's like, isn't it funny how we underestimate how long certain projects can take. And, know, like, especially when they're so tied to who you are. And that was like a big aha moment for me. And then
Realizing that, one of the reasons that I had to wait to write it was a bunch of life circumstances, but also I think intuitively I wanted to get to a place where I could truly honor my parents and feel that I had done enough work on myself and honor their stories. you know, they're perfectly imperfect. If you follow along spiritual beliefs that I chose this family, then I chose them for different reasons to learn. And it led to...
these things and it in a lot of ways primed me to be the parent who I am to my daughter because of all the things that I did not get when I was being raised by them. And so my daughter, who's a very self aware little human, she's often observed other parents and the way that they interact with their kids. And she said to me, like, yeah, I'm really glad you're my mom. Like you were built like, you know, I'm glad you're my mom. And so that means so much to me to be able to know that like,
However I show up is in service to her. And then also knowing, you know, this idea of defanging the tiger, I know who I was raised by. I know what my life history was. And so I know that my tendency, because I was imprinted in my brain so early on, is to get frustrated, to want things to be perfect, to, you know, want to be in control of all things. And so knowing that from a very young age, I told her, you can say to me, Mom, I need you to be more compassionate. I need you to be more compassionate. Because even though
Judy Tsuei (18:24.472)
when I was teaching yoga, that was the sentiment that a lot of people got from me was I was naturally nurturing. I'm like, I don't know where you're getting that sense from. That's not how I naturally am. Not great with kids, like all the things. And so I knew that. And when we would get in very heated moments, when your brain goes into its primal state and you want to just like be reactive and lash out, she would look at me with a tiny little person and voice and say, mom, I need you to be more compassionate right now. And it would snap me out of whatever it was that I had been programmed to do and show up.
for her the way that she needed. And sometimes it still took me a beat. had to like pull it all in. like to have like a four year old or five year old or six year old tell you, I need you to be more compassionate to me right now. It's humbling. It was really big. Yeah. I'm like, So, you know, I think that everything that you're saying, makes so much sense.
I would also love to know, you talked about the mistakes and the contradictions in your coaching style, this Japanese term, like the Japanese craft, and can you speak more to that? Because that's so beautiful to me. Yeah, sure. So full disclosure, I'm not Japanese. But I am a very crafty person, which is where I first came across this term, kintsuki. And it is, if you Google it, it is the craft of actually repairing broken porcelain and pottery by
I don't think they use real gold anymore, but it does look like there's golden seams, like when you put a broken piece back together and then it's like reseamed with these gold lines through it. And I was just struck by how beautiful that is and also recognizing that like it couldn't have gotten to that level without being broken in the first place. Now I'm not saying you have to be broken to become beautiful, right? But as someone who didn't have a choice in my traumas and had to carry that anyway,
That was a really helpful way for me to be like, okay, I don't have to abandon these pieces of who I am or my experiences. And there's a gentler way to move with those experiences as opposed to my old way of doing it, which is no pain, no gain. But like over leaning into like, yes, I'm a tough person. Brooklyn Betty's out to play. I'm gonna cut you if you're gonna mess with me type of vibe, right? So it's like that used to be me. So I totally resonate with you on like the natural instinct for frustration and like you wanna come at me right now.
Judy Tsuei (20:39.458)
But I was like, okay, I don't want to go through life like that. That's actually one very tiring for me, two probably not very pleasant for the person across from me. So I found Kintsugi as a visual way to help me understand that like, okay, these pieces are jagged, they're broken right now, but I don't have to sweep them away and throw them away. If I wanted to, sure, that's always a choice we have. But there was just something there that I wanted to salvage. Because I'm like, as much, similar to you, as much as I...
still have the lasting impact of growing up with really tough parents. There's also lot of beautiful things they gave me. Like I don't want to sweep all that out completely at the same time. So that's why Kintsugi was a really big part of.
how I visualize my coaching and how I support my clients in that way. I love that because I mean, truly, there are so many elements now as an adult that I look back and I think I'm glad that I have that. I'm glad that I have that sense of humility. I'm glad I have that sense of the importance of family or, you know, just dedication and perseverance and all of these things that were hard learned and hard won. And yeah, I think that that is so beautiful to be able to take that.
and let it become part of you as opposed to rejecting. think the rejecting also requires so much more energy to always push away and push away instead of like, okay, let's take a look at it. And today I was listening to, I've been listening more to different things about human design, because I like to believe like, okay, well, if I have this blueprint of how I am and I have all these gifts, I would like to know how to best utilize them and use that information to my benefit. And a lot of it is like,
spurring this new consciousness and moving away from old paradigms. And I think that a lot of tiger parenting was built, it was born out of a certain era for a certain reason. And it was probably out of necessity, like so many other things, but now we live in a different time. And so I liked this understanding of the ego being not like that we were born with this opposition on purpose, that we were born with something that would challenge us a little bit to keep
Judy Tsuei (22:41.25)
going after our gifts and to keep shining and showing up more. And that this ego is programmed specifically and precisely for whatever the gift is that we're meant to bring out. And that if we didn't have that friction, we actually wouldn't evolve more. There would be no impetus to do it. If you were born just pure light, like what else is there? So having this little bit of shadow, having this little bit of doubt and worry and whatever it is, it was such a wonderful way to look at the ego.
Like not, instead of being like, nope, I just don't even want to acknowledge you exist or anything like that. I'm allergic to what you're saying. Like what if you, what if this part of me was built to, to serve me, to help me evolve in purpose and, you know, impact or whatever. And so I'm curious for, I loved how you described Brooklyn Betty. So, you know.
When it comes to defanging the tiger, I feel like one of the things in there is a lot of that frustration, anger, resentment, all of that kind of stuff. How do you shift from that? Like there is no age limit by the way to being angry with the people in your life. Like I just, like, think that yes. So like you said, like how can someone manage that? Cause I feel like unpacking that as a neuro-linguistic programming coach, when we go through a mental and emotional release session, it is
always the first emotion that you release is anger. You are not allowed to release any other emotion until you've released anger. Because once you release anger, then all the other emotions have an opportunity like sadness will usually come up or shame or whatever that like anger so pressing and so prominent that there's no space for any of the other ones. So you always have to release anger first. And so I'm curious in your work with the code switchers, you know, with the people who are like all into spirit parts.
How do you help them manage that and go through that? That's really interesting to know that it's one of the first to release. It's the first. It has to be the first. It has to be the first. Yeah. Because that is, it does come super fast when you are in that mode of anger. And I think the way I
Judy Tsuei (24:56.762)
most support my clients on this. It's funny to say it out loud because it's so intuitive now at this point because I have Brooklyn Betty because that is a huge part of who I am. But just helping them recognize that this feeling that you have is actually fighting for you. It's fighting for your authenticity. It is so done with the other bullshit that you've had to deal with for whatever period of your life. And that it is actually that friend that is like
don't mess with my person and that's what it's trying to say. What I feel that a lot of my clients don't give themselves permission to even visit that, to even acknowledge it, let alone spend time in that angry feeling is because their first worry is like, no, if I do this, then I'm never gonna get out of it. I'm not gonna ever stop being angry. So part of it is just helping them realize that emotions work a little differently for feelings such as like...
joy, peace, et cetera, gratitude. I do find that typically if you spend more time with these lighter emotions, they tend to grow, right? And because we recognize that, that's usually the thing that's popularized in TV and media. We're like, no, it's the same thing gonna happen with sadness, anger, resentment, and shame. But those are the voices of our inner children. And like, they just want some love and attention. They just want the mic for like two seconds and then they'll be fine.
So creating that space for them to recognize like, no, nothing's gonna break. No one's gonna be harmed, including yourself, if we just spend a little bit. And oftentimes I also remember hearing clients like, I'm so sorry, like I feel really angry. I feel like I shouldn't be. And I'm like, no, like this is a space. This is a space we're holding for it because the thing about anger also is it is very, very good at getting your attention. The more you don't give it, the more it's gonna come knocking on your door.
So either you intentionally give it the stage now in a safe environment, or it's gonna show up in an argument with a loved one or in a meeting with a client where you're just like, F you. And that's not so helpful in that case. I love that. Those are such healthy approaches to anger. Cause definitely in my household, we weren't allowed to get angry, but except for my parents were always angry. So it was again, those conflicting messages that we get. So I want to ask you two more questions. One,
Judy Tsuei (27:16.92)
Tell me how you work with your clients. What is that process like? As a life coach, I'm so curious as to your unique approach to it. Yeah, I primarily work with my clients in containers of three to six months. It really depends on the level of coaching and therapy and just self-awareness the client is coming in with. So if you have a very specific, I call them seasons, there's a project, there's a season, there's something you want to work on, and you have a clear idea of what it should look like.
but you're just needing some gentle support to move through the resistance, either that's angry resentment or just lack of clarity. That's usually what the three month engagement's for. But I also have a lot of clients who come in who just simply are at the starting stage and like, this is not to say you're behind at all. Like everyone's got their own starting stage of like, I'm tired of wearing the armor. Maybe I don't even recognize I'm wearing an armor, but I'm just fricking tired. And there's got to be more than what's.
in my life right now. Another way I hear from clients who work with me for the longer term is, I've gotten everything I wanted. Why am I still unhappy? So just knowing that there's some sort of dissonance and there's something caught in our blind spot and having that courage to like ask for help is usually the starting point of our conversation or coaching. And once we're in it, it's, I usually call it like a road trip. So.
The client's always the one in the driver's seat. You get to decide where you want to drive to and say, you want to pull over in this city right now and I'll be your person in the car next to you be like, have you went into this store? Have you looked at that? Have you tasted this thing over here? And just make it a much more safe and enjoyable experience to get curious about ourselves because doing it alone can feel really intimidating and sometimes.
we find ourselves in a deep dark hole when we're doing it by ourselves. So just having a gentle but steady presence on a regular time that we meet, I think the regular cadence really supports my clients, especially because they may not be at a place where they're used to asking for help. The request of like, what do we even ask you about today is pretty common, but having that regular practice of like, I'm gonna commit to this time to myself, I'm gonna commit to my curiosity to look at this, and I'm gonna commit to.
Judy Tsuei (29:32.838)
not using other people's words to describe myself. I'm going to find my own words. And they're always welcome to say no to me if I reflect something back to them and the coaching itself. And what we do between sessions is practice, right? I call it intentional. I don't call it homework. You're not going to be punished. You're not going to be graded whether you do this or not. But what we really want to do is continue to deepen that curiosity. If you come back to next time, like, I didn't do that practice that I said I wanted to do.
Like I said, I wanted to reach out to this person or wanted to stand tight with my boundaries when I go to Thanksgiving with my relatives. If they come back and they're not able to do it, I'm like, that's beautiful. That's another great place to look. Cause like we were missing a piece of information before. So let's get that together now. That sounds so lovely. Like such a cushy place to be able to work through things. And I love road trips. So that's perfect.
My final question for you is, I always ask every guest, like, what would you say f*ck saving face about if you could say f*ck saving face about anything? I should have known this question was coming. I've listened to enough of your episodes. I would say f*ck saving face to being the tough one. I really think gentleness is so, so underrated as just a way to treat ourselves, a way to treat each other.
I know the stereotypes around is like, you're weak, you're a pushover, et cetera. I'm like, man, to have gentleness with the people around you, especially if they're trying ass people, like that requires a lot of love, a lot of courage, a lot of dedication and commitment as well. And I just, really want the world to embrace that as opposed to the look at me, I'm so strong with my armor over here kind of vibe. I love that. And if people want to continue to follow up with you, where can they find you?
Yes, they can find me my website, is heybeddychan.com, as if you're saying hello to me. I'm also on Instagram at CoachBettyChan, one phrase, and you'll often find me on LinkedIn as well. Awesome. Thank you so, so much. Yes. Thank you, Judy, for having me. Thank you for tuning in today. Stay tuned for next week, which is step four. And that's all about going to therapy, talking about all your problems, and making mental health a priority.
Judy Tsuei (31:47.576)
Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you'd like to support me and this show, please go to iTunes and leave your review. It means so much to me and it'll help others find this podcast. I'll catch you in the next episode. And if you'd like to stay in touch between now and then, please visit wildheartedwords.com and sign up for my weekly newsletter. I've had people share with me that it's the best thing to arrive in their inbox all week. Aloha.
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Keywords: Asian Americans, mental health, emotional health, parenting, neurodiversity, empathy, cultural identity, self-acceptance, personal growth, family dynamics
