Have you ever had that moment when someone says something completely innocent, without giving it a second thought, but it sticks in your mind and you can't forget it?

That happened to me this past Thanksgiving.

It's usually said in passing.
A quick observation.
A casual comment.

But you can't forget it, because somehow, it struck a chord of truth or highlighted an awareness that's been simmering in the back of your mind... and now, it's finally made it to the forefront.

"This isn't the vibe I was hoping would end the day."

That sentence got stuck in my mind and I couldn't forget it.

Not while I was in Texas, or the entire day my daughter and I came home.

I felt this deep sense of sadness.

Then, I figured out why...

I called my daughter's godmother, Lisa, the one person I knew would understand what I was going through because she was also raised as the eldest daughter in an Asian household and therefore also had to work to uncover her identity in the hyphen between Asian and American.

"I was thinking about you this Thanksgiving," she said. "I was going through something similar."

Many of us from marginalized communities have been taught we have to be perfect.

There's a false understanding that perfect = safe.

To identify what "perfect" is, you have to know what perfect isn't — which means you become super attuned to learning what's "wrong" in any situation. That's what I've gotten used to doing.

If I can identify what's wrong, I can fix it.
If I can fix it, I have purpose and worth.
But...

I also miss out on all the things going right when so focused on what's going wrong.

Does this sound like you?

You're an overachieving perfectionist "I-can-do-it-all-even-though-people-say-multitasking-doesn't-exist" kind of person, and there are certain outcomes you're likely looking for in your life.

You have a sense of a bigger purpose — it's not coming from an egotistical place.
You know you have the capacity for greatness, but sometimes the minutiae of life and the roles and responsibilities you play get in the way (or it's just becoming harder to balance).
You also don't like making mistakes or not being good at something the first time you try it.

If you're finding it hard to be happy, it could be because you don't know how to complete the cycle of:

BEING ➜ DOING ➜ HAVING

Everything in the Universe is based on these three energies:

Being = Creation
Doing = Activity
Having = Completion

Think of a tree:

The "being" is the seed
The "doing" is the growing
The "having" is the tree completing its growth and returning to the earth

Everyone is usually really great in one of these areas, yet really weak in another.

You could be great at coming up with ideas (being)
You could be fantastic at setting goals & doing what you set your mind to (doing)
Most women/mothers/entrepreneurs of color aren't strong in the "having" — the celebration of your efforts.

What do you do if this is you?

When you can balance the three energies, you become a healthier and more whole version of yourself.

Once I realized what I was doing, and why that sentence dug into my brain and wouldn't let go, I turned to the Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques I use with my clients and used them on myself.

I flipped the script, reframed the challenge, and immediately felt more joyful in all aspects of my life.

I feel less unsettled.
I feel happier with where I am.
I'm excited about what 2025 will bring.

That's what I want for you, too.

One of my clients, Anne, said during a coaching call:

“It’s like shortcutting years of therapy — I don’t have time for all of that. Now I know EXACTLY what you mean. Words can’t describe it. I feel so free. I’m so grateful.”

What do you want your 2025 to look like?

I'm finally opening up my books for exclusive coaching for women founders/solopreneurs/creatives/leaders/mothers — women ready to make the big impact you know you're here to make.

Are you ready to let go of the baggage and for your life to change quickly, too?

Love,
Judy

P.S. If the holidays were rough for you because of family dynamics or co-parenting shenanigans, I have 2 free practices to free you from anger and to help move you from stuckness. Just respond to this email and I'll send them your way.

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