EP 111: Navigating Self-Love with Anna Hsu
Asian Americans often grapple with unique challenges regarding self-love due to cultural influences and societal expectations.
Growing up in traditional Asian households, individuals may face immense pressure to conform to strict standards of success, academic achievement, and filial piety. This pressure can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and a constant need to prove one's worthiness.
Moreover, navigating between two cultures—balancing traditional Asian values with Western ideals—can create internal conflicts and identity struggles, making it challenging to develop a strong sense of self-love and acceptance. Additionally, Asian Americans may encounter stereotypes and discrimination that undermine their self-esteem and sense of belonging, further complicating their journey toward self-love and compassion.
In this episode, Judy Tsuei interviews Anna Hsu, a self-worth coach, about the journey to self-love and compassion. Anna shares her personal story of growing up in a traditional Asian household and feeling the pressure to constantly prove her worth. She explains that self-love is a practice that involves self-acknowledgment, self-acceptance, and self-compassion. Anna also discusses the importance of understanding and having compassion for our parents' journeys and the impact they have on our own self-worth. She provides tools and practices for embarking on the path to self-love and emphasizes the power of celebrating ourselves and others.
More about Anna Hsu
Anna is a seasoned transformational coach and speaker who has supported over 300 individuals in their journey from self-doubt and self-sabotage to embodying authentic confidence and inner peace. Having completed a degree in Biopsychology, Cognition, and Neuroscience from the University of Michigan and a 2-year long certification from the Institute for Coaching Mastery, Anna has a comprehensive approach to healing, covering somatic, emotional processing, mindset, behavioral, and subconscious coaching. Anna has led 50+ international talks and workshops, creating deeply safe spaces for people to connect and feel seen. Her warm and loving energy has touched people worldwide, helping each individual melt away self-criticism and experience genuine self-love and confidence.
Learn more about Anna:
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Episode Highlights
00:00 Introduction
00:50 Exploring Self-Worth
02:12 Anna's Story and Background
04:00 The Journey to Self-Love
05:16 Choosing Coaching as a Career
06:37 Compassion and Empathy for Parents
07:30 The Relationship Between Compassion and Self-Worth
09:18 Practices for Embarking on Self-Love
10:38 Breaking Down Self-Love
11:58 Exploring Blocks to Self-Compassion
13:49 The Power of Feeling Emotions
14:45 The Importance of Self-Compassion
15:45 Compassion in Relationships
18:32 Celebrating Self and Others
19:23 Understanding Trauma and Compassion
21:08 Exploring Blocks to Self-Compassion
22:26 The Three Moments of Negative Self-Identity
27:31 Empowerment through Internal Experience
29:27 The Power of Personal Stories
30:26 Embracing Imperfection and Thriving
31:18 Conclusion
Transcript:
Judy Tsuei (00:02.606)
Welcome to the F*ck Saving Face podcast where we're empowering mental and emotional health for Asian Americans and voices of color by breaking through taboo topics. Life may not always be pretty, but it is indeed beautiful. Make your story beautiful today.
I'm so excited today because I have a self -worth coach on our episode. And this is really important to me because not only when I look at the stats of the podcast, I can see that this is a topic that a lot of listeners want to know about. But I think that this journey of self -worth is something that we continue to explore, especially the more wisdom that we gain, the more life that we live, the more, you know, how we define ourselves and what's important to us and how we want to show up, I think changes as we grow. But...
If you haven't been taught these skills from when you are young, then perhaps you're in a phase right now where you are trying to figure it out for yourself and how to define your self -worth, perhaps aside from what your parents told you, what society is telling you, what a partner is telling you, any of that kind of stuff. So I have Anna Hsu today here with me and she's a self -worth coach. And I'm gonna turn it over to her to share a bit about her story and how she got into this work. And then we're gonna dive into the juicy tidbits.
of what we can use that can be actionable, what we can learn that can expand our horizons. I was actually just writing a post about, and this is probably an unpopular opinion, but there's a saying that people say, like, when you know better, you do better. I actually don't think that that's true. I think that there's a lot of momentum sometimes built behind ways that we've shown up. And so it can take practice and...
That's what I want to encourage everybody to remember is this is not about being perfect. This is a practice. It's continually evolving and unfolding. But before I dive more into that, I'm going to turn it over to Anna. I'm so excited to talk about what you just shared as well, because that is something that I'm also very passionate about. So hi, everyone. My name is Anna. I am a self -worth coach. And my story is that I am Taiwanese -American.
Judy Tsuei (02:12.462)
And growing up, I grew up in a pretty traditional Asian parenting style home where all my worth that I identified with as a little kid growing up was how well was I doing on homework? You know, like, am I getting an A plus on everything? If it's under that, then you're a bad kid. How could you be so dumb? Right? And so this often becomes our inner critic, the voice that we hear in our minds, the voice that we feel like we have to always be almost like a slave to.
we feel like, oh my gosh, like I'm not good enough. And so growing up, I always felt like no matter what I looked like, no matter what I accomplished, no matter what I did, it always felt like I was never enough. And I think it was around end of college where I kind of was like, this can't be life. Like I can't, like this can't be everything, right? Like I can't imagine I'm only 20, like I'm only 21 and...
I still have all my life to live. Is this really what life is going to feel like? This continuous feeling of, oh, I'm going to achieve the next goal and then I'll finally feel good enough. And then you reach that place and it feels like the goalposts of feeling worthy is always moving. And so I started doing a lot of reading, a lot of exploration on self-confidence and self-worth. What is self-worth really?
And so after that, I really was able to tune in and tap into that first level of self-love. Self-love comes in many levels. And you know, the typical first level of self-love is really being like, oh, wow, like, maybe I am enough, you know? And so after that, I wanted to help people experience that sense of worthiness, that sense of, oh, maybe I am enough, because that opens a doorway to healing, to really seeing yourself for who you are, taking off those glasses of unworthiness.
because I always like to quote my own coach who trained me. She always says, you are not broken. It's your perspective of yourself that is broken. So you don't have to try to fix yourself. There's nothing that needs to be fixed. You have to fix the glasses. So yeah, that's a short version of my story. And what's your cultural background? Yeah, so I'm Taiwanese American. And yeah, so my parents, they moved to America.
Judy Tsuei (04:27.854)
My dad's side of the family all live in America now and my mom's side, they all live in Taiwan still. And what was it like when you chose to pursue this career of coaching instead of, you know, what potentially as immigrant parents, they have some expectations of the professions that we should be pursuing? Yeah. So it's very funny. My dad is an engineer and my mom is, she actually is also an entrepreneur. And it's very interesting because a lot of times people don't really talk about how
what our parents do can influence what we end up doing unconsciously. When I chose to become an entrepreneur, so I used to work in corporate, I used to work in tech, and I did that around, for around, I think a year and a half or so, and it was a very good company, but I was like, I'm not fulfilled, it just looks good on paper.
And so I quit and I didn't tell my parents right when I quit. It was funny, my mom came to visit me in Austin. I would pretend to go to work because I was so scared at that time. I love what they would say, but I'm very lucky and blessed, I would say, that my mom, she grew up in the world of Buddhism and she's someone who is very compassionate and very kind of lives by the words that she reads. So she was...
She was like, she actually took it okay. So she's like, okay, you can do what you want to do. And I think also because she was an entrepreneur, she also could see like, okay, I'll like kind of believe in her, you know, so. But it was funny because I never realized that her being an entrepreneur maybe has inspired me to be an entrepreneur as well. A lot of times our parents do things where it's good or bad and it influences us in ways that sometimes we don't realize.
And I think that what you're saying, yeah, so we can peel back all the layers of all the influential people in our lives. And I think that one of the things that I'm learning as I'm growing older too, in this journey of self -worth and self -love is to also have that feeling towards my parents. Because I think only through like a lot of healing work and not just understanding that I'm fallible and they're fallible, but also that I want to honor the fact that their journeys were so hard. And you know, like your...
Judy Tsuei (06:37.582)
You have family from Taiwan. I lived in the countries where they emigrated from and I lived as an expat in those countries. And there was a lot, like even when I became a mom, I was like, oh, my mom should have done a better job. Like, how could she have, you know? But her circumstances at that time were different than my circumstances now. And I'm sure my daughter is gonna feel the same way. Like, oh man, like I wish my mom had done this.
And so I think that I want to in everything that I'm doing now, kind of encourage people to have more of that compassion and empathy, which can be hard because so much of what I grew up with, I felt like was extremely traumatic. It was the amount of money and time I've invested in like healing and coaches and therapy, like infinite appeals. But at the same time, I think the only way that I can get to a place of that sense of wholeness is
getting to that place with them as well. And like, you know, a lot of people will say, it's not an excuse. It's not like you're not like saying that that's okay, what happened. But in order to move forward, I think that that's an integral part of the journey. And I don't think so many people talk about that. And I would love for your thoughts on how that relates to like self -worth and self -love. Yes, I love what you said because I recently came across this beautiful quote and it said,
our parents ceiling becomes our floor. And so it's really seeing like the best that our parents could do with their capacity, with what they've been through, their trauma, their experiences, that was their ceiling, but that becomes our floor that we build upon. And then that passes down to our next generation. And so the fact that you're also doing this healing is so powerful. You're literally changing generations, right, to come. So it's so powerful. And...
I love that you say that we have to be more compassionate to our parents, because that also influences how compassionate we can be with ourselves, with other people as well, acknowledging that they are human as well. And it can be really hard, especially with people who are closer to us. We see, it's almost like people who are closer to us, we see their traumas up close and like, it's like a zoomed in kind of perspective versus taking steps back and seeing like, oh, this person was another, it was another person from.
Judy Tsuei (08:53.08)
further away, you know, you always see those, those videos of strangers exposing like their deepest secrets of regret and everything. And we'll be like, wow, like, like, they're so brave for sharing that, you know, what if that was our parents? Right? Yeah. Yeah, love what you said with compassion. There's something I want to touch on if it's escaping me. Oh, yeah, that's fine. It'll come back. Yeah, for sure. Well, one of the things that you'd said to because
Just this morning, I was journaling, I'm getting back into a journaling practice, making sure that my mindfulness practice is there. And this idea of self love. And I think that if you didn't have that template set forth for you, whether that was your parents loving themselves, your parents loving you, like however you needed to be loved, because I think that we're all different. Like some people probably would have potentially thrived in the environment that I grew up in, but I'm so sensitive that that is not what was beneficial for me. But I don't even know how to...
broach the topic of self -love, because I know how to love other people really well. And I think that I have a lot of self -respect, but I think self -respect and self -love are different. And I would love to know any tips or tools that you have to like embark on that. Yeah, for sure. So with self -love, it's, I would say like, if you can't love yourself immediately, that's okay. You know, that's okay. Like we all, especially with, I know it's with Asians and people.
who are raised in like an Asian household, they're like, I need to be perfect right off the bat. I need to fully love myself or be fully confident. And if not, then there's something wrong with me, right? That's like usually the narrative that comes up. But what I usually recommend is like first developing self acknowledgement. And then once you can acknowledge yourself, maybe like look in the mirror and be like, I acknowledge you, right? It takes practice, right? It's like uncovering all the layers that you've put upon this.
kind of like this diamond of self -love. There's all these layers of muck that are above it. And so first is self -acknowledgement, then it's self -acceptance. It's like, oh, I accept who I am, right? And then afterwards it can become self, it can be self -love or it can be another step before that, just being more compassion, like self -compassion, and then it can be self -love. So breaking it down into that type of kind of pathway can make self -love or loving yourself a lot easier.
Judy Tsuei (11:07.246)
What does self -love mean? Yeah, the big question, right? The million dollar question. Yeah, I would say self -love is really seeing yourself for who you truly are underneath all the trauma, underneath all of the judgments that you have, underneath all of the things people have said about you, really seeing yourself and feeling it.
not just seeing it, but really feeling that essence that you are, that's underneath everything that you learned about yourself. And are there practices like journaling or like anything that's like, I know that when I first started therapy, I was like, give me homework. Like, I want to do homework. And my therapist wouldn't give it to me. She's like, no, that's not what this is about. I'm like, no. So, but I know that like, like you were saying, if you're going to break it up into stages and steps, then what are some of the things that we can do?
Yeah, so I feel like a lot of times people think that we can think through an emotional problem when that problem actually stemmed from the heart or from feelings, right? And so they end up getting stuck, right? It's kind of like, oh, like journaling and everything is amazing, right? For processing, kind of like when your mindset is out of, it's kind of like on whack, right? It's like, kind of like, oh, like it's, I noticed that I'm feeling a little bit like scattered. It's great, right? But then with...
feelings, it's really sitting and feeling those tough emotions, which can feel so icky and just don't want to do it. So we start avoiding and we start looping and we elongate that until we kind of have a breakdown. And that breakdown actually is just releasing that emotion that we could have felt at the beginning. Right. And so it's very interesting. Science has found that it only takes 90 seconds for an emotion to be released from your body. But usually it feels like it's longer because we're so looping in our minds.
So a really powerful tool is just setting a timer for 90 seconds and then just sitting with that emotion and not getting into the mind. So what that looks like is say you're feeling anxious. Instead of being like, oh, I'm feeling anxious. I'm worried about this. You'd be like, oh, heart is tight or unsettled in stomach. You'd be like, not like, oh, I feel worried. That's still from the mind, right? It's noticing your body sensations. And after around 92, I would say 90 seconds to around two minutes, you'll feel almost like a flush.
Judy Tsuei (13:24.29)
out of your system. Because if we really break it down, emotions are just chemicals in the body. And so it's like when those chemicals are generated, we can naturally just flush them out. But usually we just get looped into the thoughts and then it generates more of that emotion, more of those chemicals, and then it becomes just unconscious. And that's why a lot of people can wake up with anxiety in the morning because they still are creating those chemicals within their bodies. So.
And your background, I mean, you have a background in biopsychology, cognition, neuroscience, and that connection that you just made of the 90 seconds, I genuinely wish that we learned more about this in school. I wish that we had understood the perception of something versus like the actual thing that happens. Because I think cognitively, when we understand like the 90 seconds, it really does help. And it helps us to understand like, okay, this is this might just be some residual stuff or whatever, and we can get it out.
Are there any other interesting facts that you've learned like that that have been really eye -opening for you or that have changed, you know, kind of some questions? Yeah, so I remember there was one study, oh, there's actually now that you asked that, I haven't touched my science stuff in a long time, but now that you bring it up, I'm like, oh my God, there's so many. But so I'll share one that's more relevant to this one. And it's they did this really, I think it's called a longitudinal study where I think it spanned for around 10 years.
And they studied what makes a person truly happy and what creates self -love deeply, right? What is the most helpful? They studied exercise, they studied meditation, journaling, all of these different modalities, I forget how many. And at the end of the 10 years, they realized that the practice of self -compassion was the biggest determinant. It outperformed every single other subject in terms of what truly allowed the person to live a fulfilling and feeling good about themselves kind of life.
So I thought that was really interesting. That's amazing, yeah. So when it comes to compassion, because kind of looping back to what we were talking about before, it's easy for me to be compassionate with my partner. It's easy for me to be compassionate. And I actually recently caught myself because my expectations are high. I was raised with very high expectations. And we were in Mexico. We were on vacation. And I had all these feelings that were coming up that were lingering from grief,
Judy Tsuei (15:45.134)
from finally I was in a place mentally, emotionally to be able to deal with things that had happened like four or five years before with getting divorced and with sharing custody of my daughter. And I hadn't dealt with a grief of that. I understood it intellectually, I knew it was there, but I just didn't have the bandwidth to deal with it. And then so because it was Thanksgiving, because there were different things that had happened, then that sadness started really welling up inside and...
What I was noticing is I was being compassionate with myself in understanding I have these feelings that are coming up and I'm also on this great vacation. I have this great partner. So I was able to allow all of that to be there, which was kind of a sign of maturity for me. Powerful. Yeah. And I also realized though that I had put him, like I had very high expectations of him because he...
always has tended to show up and say the right things, do the right things. And so I've gotten accustomed to that. But in those moments when he's human too, then it even took me like a moment to be like, oh, wow, I view him with like a certain lens and I can still practice more compassion with him, even though I have that with him more so than like, you know, probably a lot of other people. And so I have a compassion for that. It's been a learning for me to even have compassion with my daughter in terms of having high expectations for her. That's what was.
train and ingrain me. And so like, I've taught my daughter because I knew that that was going to happen from a very young age, I taught her about compassion. And so when we would get into like, she would have a moment of feelings, and I would have a moment of responding to those feelings. She would look at me and she's like, Mom, I need you to have more compassion in this moment. Yeah, and it was so great because it caused me to like get out of whatever loop that I was in, you were mentioning, and she was even saying like,
it's like the way that your face is looking at me right now, like, you know, just wasn't perceiving that sense of compassion. So I had to learn that. And because I kind of knew that pitfall was going to happen, I trained her early to be able to, you know, like, hey, you can say this, you know, whatnot. But I don't, I, that's all been like a, like a learning curve and it's all, it's still like, as I mentioned, like ever evolving. But how would you like in this study and to create more of that sense of,
Judy Tsuei (18:04.492)
contentment, what would you say? Like, how can we do that? Yeah. Yeah. And I just want to acknowledge you for literally breaking generational trauma by doing that. I think that's so powerful. And a lot of times, we don't acknowledge ourselves, right? We don't take the time to celebrate ourselves. We're always going to the next thing and the next thing. How can I be better? Right. And like a lot, I noticed a lot of people in the self -growth space, the perfectionism kind of bleeds into that journey. And it's like, oh,
I need to heal in order to become perfect. It's like, no, you know, like, you're, yeah. It's like, yeah, like I'm doing this work. It's beautiful right now and I'm doing amazing. So I just want to celebrate you for that. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. But going back to self -compassion, I think really is, well, one thing that comes up, I just remembered the self -compassion with our parents. I know one tip that really helped a lot of my clients was noticing that how trauma makes people,
become like, revert to like their kid -like self. Like you notice when little kids get angry, every kid has a certain way they get angry and a certain things trigger the kid. And usually when we don't heal our trauma, that carries over into adulthood. And so seeing our parents as kids, as like how are they acting like a kid who just wanted love from something, it's like, or wanted approval.
So like that is usually the trigger that and like the, I'll share an example. So my partner didn't have a really great relationship with his dad for a long time. And then he didn't realize that growing up his dad's dad, so his grandpa was very big into money and like gambling and everything. And so was never really present in home. And so as a little kid, as his dad, right, it's like,
Oh, like growing up, he's like, oh, money equals love. You know, that must be the case because he's not spending time with me, he's spending time with money. So then it's like, okay, so then it's interesting because his dad will always try to love like my partner with money, but he didn't realize that connection. He's like, he's always just giving, he's always like trying to give me money. Like, I don't need that. I need like his, I need him to be there for me, you know? And then it was just really seeing like, oh, how is your dad maybe...
Judy Tsuei (20:15.47)
acting like acting like a child in a negative way, but more like from a compassionate ways. Like how is he communicating love or communicating his needs from a child from his childlike way? So that's just one perspective that we can kind of bring in and just be like, oh, they're just being a kid versus why are they done? Like, why are they doing that? I don't understand, you know, like, it's like, this is a way to be like, oh, you know, that's how they learned love. Yeah. And so.
for ourselves now, how do we do that? Yes, I think it's really seeing what is blocking me from self -compassion because I think it's like, we can see, we know how to give self -compassion to others, but then when it comes to ourself, we feel like there's so many blocks, you know? So it's really seeing like, why am I afraid to be self -compassionate?
is usually there's a resistance between us and being compassionate with ourselves, right? And so usually there's always a protection mechanism. It's like, oh, like, what would I make it mean about myself if I were to be self -compassionate? Or why can't I be self -compassionate in exploring the blocks instead of being like, oh, I need to be self -compassionate. I need to like force myself to be compassionate with myself, which usually doesn't work. So I love that. I don't know if I've ever thought about exploring like,
what the block is. What are some of the common blocks that people have to be? Yeah. Yeah. So it's very interesting. Whenever I'll use an example. So one of clients, they really had a lot of self -hate and they felt like they didn't feel deserving of self -love because maybe when they were little, when we explored it, they realized, oh, like when they were little, their parent was saying things like, you
you're so bad, you don't deserve this, you don't deserve that. And so their default was like, oh, I'm inherently flawed. And so there's like three moments, I could talk so much about this, but I'm like, I need to stay focused, but there's three moments of our life where it kind of shapes our, I guess, our negative self identity. So.
Judy Tsuei (22:26.414)
when you're a baby, babies love themselves. They're so happy. They kiss themselves in the mirror. They're like, I'm beautiful. I'm amazing. But then something happens that makes them believe that they have to do something in order to be loved. They believe that they have to be a certain way. It's the first moment that they believe that something's wrong with them. And so an example is like, OK, maybe the mom comes home every day and gives the baby a hug.
And then the baby's like, wow, yay, I'm loved. But then maybe one day mom got laid off or had a really bad day and then kind of doesn't give them that hug. And where baby's like, oh, you're so noisy, stop singing, you're such a bad singer. This was another case where the client was like, I feel like I just want to sing really loud. But every time she was on camera, she felt like her voice would shut down. And so it's realizing, oh, there's a moment when I was little where I believe that I was no longer worthy of love.
Right? And then so that carries over into our own self -love. And it also carries over into seeking partners or seeking friends or situations. This is unconsciously, by the way, unconsciously seeking these partners that mirror the person we wish to have love from the most in order to almost like gain that. There's like a younger part of us that wants that love. Yeah. So then it's like, oh, ultimately, even if we did get that love,
that I call it ego jumping, there's a part of us that's like, oh, but that's not enough. I need to find love from this person or from this group. And so really knowing that it's your own love that that part needs, going into that part and be like, hey, like I accept you. I see you for whatever you're feeling. You feel like you're crappy. You feel like it's okay. You know, being like that compassionate parent to yourself is what I notice usually is the most, most.
I guess healing most deeply soothing too. So that's one moment. And then you said there are three moments in your life. What's moment two and three? Yeah. So moment two is usually around, so moment one is around, I think to ages two to around eight. And then around eight years old to, it's like your teenage years essentially.
Judy Tsuei (24:40.878)
is the first moment you realize, or you not realize, you make this false belief that you don't belong. So something happens, usually it goes down to bullying or feeling excluded or something happens where you begin to believe, oh, I don't belong. And so we create beliefs around this kind of core feeling of I don't belong. So some people will be like, oh, I need to be really loud in order to belong or I need to not speak up and not share and not shine to belong. I need to be really smart to belong.
And so, or I don't belong because I am Asian or because I am like a nerd or I am, you know, a certain way. And so when we realize these things, we will realize how much of our life we've built around these beliefs, like trying to protect ourselves. But when we really look at it, it's like trying to protect ourselves on this unstable foundation. So that's the second one.
And then the third one is usually is around early adulthood. So around 18 to I would say like late 20s and early 30s where you realize that for the first time it's like, oh, I like no one supports me or like I'm alone in this. And so something happens where you realize that or you begin to believe in that and you start to maybe like close yourself off from people or not ask for help or feel like you're so alone.
And whatever you do based on that belief, everyone responds to these beliefs differently. So one person could close themselves off, the other person could continuously be reaching out to people, right? And be like kind of anxious when they keep on reaching out. And so everyone has different, I guess, defense mechanisms for that. And so when we really look at these three, I would say they're like the three layers, you kind of like unravel them and then see like, oh, these are the layers I've been putting up on top of my self -worth.
on top of my inheritance, knowing that I am enough. I feel like I always tell people, you know, because I have a branding and marketing agency and I say the story that you tell the world like creates your business. And then I also work with founders and women of color on mindset and the story you tell yourself creates your reality. And like what you're saying is we've all developed stories that we've been telling ourselves that are most likely not true. Yes. Yes. They're interpretations that we created. Yeah. And.
Judy Tsuei (27:01.774)
Is this something that like everyone goes through? Because it sounds like to me as a parent, when I hear this, I'm like, oh, crap. I was like, I'm sure, you know, that there are moments like this where my daughter, who's now almost nine, has probably experienced, but she's probably internalized things that I didn't ever intend or that someone else, whatever she's gone through in her life, maybe didn't intend. So is this something that everybody goes through? Yeah. So I remember that in the book, I think it was, it was by Eckhart Tolle, I think it was called A New Earth.
And he was saying like, even if Buddha or Jesus had kids and was raising them, they would still have to go through these things because they will still experience trauma because they're their own human being and it's their developmental experience on earth. And so what we can do as parents, as friends, as partners is really just supporting them with what they're going through, giving them tools to work with whatever they're going through.
because we can't prevent certain degrees of trauma, but trauma is an internal experience where it's like two people could be running a race and they both fall and break their leg. And then one of them might get traumatized. They might internally think, oh, they might label, be like, oh my God, like running is so scary. I'm never doing it again. The other person is like, oh, this is a part of normal life, you know? So that's why two kids can go through the same parental experience and come out very differently. Obviously they still might have trauma.
but the degree of trauma might be different. And so it's really just helping kids have those tools in order to be and cope and heal from those experiences based on whatever they kind of experienced in their life. I think that's amazing the way that you just simply put trauma as an internal experience. I mean, I'm one of four kids, and I can see that the four of us have internalized and interpreted the things that happen in childhood very differently, partly because of how we interpret it, but partly we're just all different.
personalities and like, we're going to gravitate towards our different, which makes it sounds that when you say that trauma is an internal experience, it sounds to me like then we have so much more power than we give ourselves credit for. Yes. Yes. Because then it's not dependent upon anything external. Yes. Yes, exactly. Yes. As if you people who resonate with that is Dr. Gab Gabor Mate is one of the biggest pioneers in like childhood trauma, like healing and so a very good resource.
Judy Tsuei (29:27.534)
And I forgot your question. Oh, no, it was just an observation as opposed to a question, like feeling more empowered. Because I think that ultimately that's what I'm hoping for. I just did a podcast interview and I was a guest on someone else's podcast and saying, you know, that I do believe that hurt people hurt people, like that unresolved trauma, that the lack of awareness of how you're reacting and bringing that more into the world can continue to create that pain. But the more that we work on ourselves and the whole point of this podcast.
is so that we can have that sense of empowerment. So I would say then that if you could say fuck saving face about something, given all of your experience and all the people that you've worked with, I mean, you mentioned that you coached over 300 people. What would you say? I guess fuck saving face to trying to be perfect all the time, to feeling like you can't ask for help, to feeling like you have to stay small in order to...
thrive or just to survive. It's like, yeah, flexing your face to try and only survive. Like you have so much potential to thrive on this planet. And that starts with bringing awareness to the patterns that are kind of preventing you from thriving and preventing you from shining your light and the world needs your light. I love that. If people want to follow up with you more, how do they connect with you? Yeah, I'm on Instagram. So align and up level coaching.
And I also am starting my YouTube channel, so the Align and Up level. And yeah, if anyone wants a free coaching session, I'm happy to gift any of your listeners a free session with me too. Oh amazing. I highly recommend that. I'm always all about learning from experts and whatnot. So thank you so much for your time today. Thank I love talking to you. I love connecting with you. I love talking about these topics. So glad to.
Great, and thank you for creating this platform for people to really heal and to connect on a deeper level.
Judy Tsuei (31:29.038)
Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you'd like to support me and this show, please go to iTunes and leave your review. It means so much to me and it'll help others find this podcast. I'll catch you in the next episode. And if you'd like to stay in touch between now and then, please visit wildheartedwords .com and sign up for my weekly newsletter. I've had people share with me that it's the best thing to arrive in their inbox all week. Aloha.
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