EP 116: How to Navigate Co-Parenting Through Kids Journaling with Fiona Kong
In this episode, Judy Tsuei interviews Fiona Kong, the founder of Home Sweet Homes Journal.
Fiona Kong is a single mompreneur who turned adversity into opportunity. Following her separation and job loss in 2019, she founded Home Sweet Homes Journal during the pandemic to support her son and co-parented kids everywhere. It was through processing her own childhood trauma that Fiona recognized the importance of emotional support for children and created journals containing what she needed as a child. The Home Sweet Homes journal and All About Me, by Us journal (made for any family dynamics), are fostering healthier future generations by emphasizing emotional intelligence, communication, and parent-child connection.
The journal includes daily entries, affirmation themes, and spaces for co-parenting schedules.
Fiona emphasizes the importance of emotional regulation and communication for children and parents. The journal serves as a tool for reflection, repair, and building a solid foundation for parent-child relationships.
Image of Home Sweet Homes Journal inside pages.
Takeaways
Adversity can lead to opportunity and personal growth.
Emotional support and connection are crucial for children and parents.
Journaling can help children express their emotions and build self-awareness.
Co-parenting requires communication, flexibility, and creating a sense of cohesiveness for the child.
Reflecting on one's own childhood experiences can inform parenting choices and break generational patterns.
Fear can hold us back from taking risks, but living with regret is even harder.
Episode Highlights
00:00 Introduction
00:45 Fiona Kong's Journey: Turning Adversity into Opportunity
11:59 The Power of Reflection and Repair in Parent-Child Relationships
14:08 Building Emotional Intelligence and Self-Awareness through Journaling
22:41 Breaking Generational Patterns: Healing and Growing as a Parent
25:30 Conclusion
Transcript:
Judy Tsuei (00:02.606)
Welcome to the F*ck Saving Face podcast where we're empowering mental and emotional health for Asian Americans and voices of color by breaking through taboo topics. Life may not always be pretty, but it is indeed beautiful. Make your story beautiful today.
Alrighty, we're going to try something different for the next few weeks. I've recorded a series of remarkable interviews with humans all across the world who are living their truth after having to break through their own beliefs of who they were supposed to be, of who they were told they had to be, and finding that identity and then making that their life's work.
I'm excited because today's episode is with Fiona Kong. She's a single mompreneur who turned adversity into opportunity. Following her separation and her job loss in 2019, she founded Home Sweet Homes Journal during the pandemic to support her son and co -parented kids everywhere. It was through processing her own childhood trauma that Fiona recognized the importance of emotional support for children and created journals containing what she needed as a child.
The Home Sweet Home's journal and All About Me, which she created two different journals by Us Journal, made for family dynamics, are fostering healthier future generations by emphasizing emotional intelligence, communication, and parent -child connection. So Fiona and I actually met up in LA when I was up there visiting my family, and her son and my daughter had an opportunity to play in the lobby of this hotel in Westwood, California. She and I got to connect as we are both divorced moms.
and we had an opportunity to speak about the kind of emotional support that we would have liked growing up. And while we didn't grow up in a divorced family, there was just so much lacking on the emotional front in terms of supporting who we were as children. And I took this journal, I took it to my daughter's therapist, and the therapist marveled at it. How
Judy Tsuei (02:09.741)
What an opportunity to take some time to reflect upon our day -to -day. My daughter actually has another journal that she's been working with and just jotting down her stories. I asked her to read it to me yesterday if she wanted to, if she wanted to share anything. She kept some elements of it for herself and it was just so lovely. And I kept thinking that in the future she'll be able to look back upon this time and be able to see this. And what's wonderful about Fiona's journals is that it really invites an opportunity to stay connected to your child when your child stays.
part of the time, half the time, whatever that dynamic is with another parent. I also dive into this interview asking what happens if the two parents aren't, let's say on speaking terms, they're not close and how can you continue to foster this development so that the child understands that they have what it is that they need while they are constantly going back and forth. And my therapist has told me recently that I am my daughter's safe space.
It's been a wild learning actually, because I was just sharing this, I just got a tattoo right now, and the tattoo artist has an 18 month old. And we were talking about parenting and now that my daughter is nine. And I was saying how for so long people have looked to me as a very nurturing and maternal figure, which is not how I've seen myself. I've seen myself as very driven.
you know, I don't think that I'm very good with kids, but I just had dinner with a neighbor and I was asking her two kids who were around my daughter's age about their days and things that they were doing. And the mom said, you're really good with kids, which I just find so surprising because I know people who, you know, kids are their jam. They're so great. They love to play all of that kind of stuff. So I think it's interesting that some of the times we are perceived in a certain way.
that could be different from the way that we perceive ourselves and that these lenses through which other people see us and the lens through which we see ourselves is really interesting to explore. So being able to have those skills from a young age, being able to reflect upon what's important to you, what you need, how can you self -soothe, how can you ask for help? And then having those skills as you grow into adulthood, I feel like
Judy Tsuei (04:29.422)
can only be supportive. It can only be nurturing to your psyche as an adult. And ideally, the inner child that you have growing up will be one who is healthy, who is fulfilled, who feels whole instead of fractured. And in fact, the tattoo that I just got was something that I'd seen in Oaxaca with my partner. We were at an independent design kind of art studio. And I saw this image and I
just knew that I wanted that. It's a girl who looks like me, but she's looking away so you can't see her face. And she just looked to me like my inner child. There was this sense of ferocity, a sense of strength and stillness and conviction. And that is how I want to continue to see myself, especially after this remarkable trip to New York with the Tory Burch Foundation, which I will explore in the next episode.
So as I mentioned, over the next four to five weeks, we're gonna be doing weekly episodes where you will be able to hear different voices sharing how they have taken their challenges and turn them into just a wonderful sharing with the world. So without further ado, I hope you enjoy this episode with Fiona. All right, today we have Fiona Kong, founder of Home Sweet Home's Journal, and I met Fiona.
when I posted on an Asian American Facebook group about seeking new guests for the next season of the podcast. And Fiona's response was so lovely because her lived experience, we have shared kind of parallels and she actually came and drove and met me in LA when I was in town over the holidays. And so her son and my daughter were able to meet and they were the cutest together. But basically,
going from a traditional career, doing what you thought you were supposed to be doing, to then realizing there was another need and another calling. And then being on this entrepreneurial journey that so many of us are on, where you've got some great days and big wins, and then other days you're like, what am I doing? Why am I doing this? And this is why I always think that having a community to support you and who gets you and understands what those challenges are is so important because being bold and brave and pursuing the non -traditional path involves...
Judy Tsuei (06:54.126)
you know, so much quote unquote risk and reward. And this kind of plays into your business journey as well as your life journey and choosing to leave a marriage and what we thought we were supposed to do and what quote unquote success is like. But I'm going to turn it over to Fiona to just kind of talk a little bit about your story. So welcome Fiona. Thank you so much, Judy. Yes, it was so nice to meet you in person. I think it's really nice when you get to.
connect and things work out. Yeah, yeah. As you said, my path in life was very straight arrowed where, you know, you, you know, growing up with Asian parents, it's like you just do what you're supposed to, you get into a career that you're like, you never question things, right? You just do what you think you should be doing. And I feel like it was never like, what it was never about me. It was like, what would make my parents happy.
So things kind of started like, I don't know, I don't want to say like shit hit the fan, but you know, it was 2019. It was the year that I separated from my son's dad. I got laid off from my job and then the pandemic hit that next year. So it was like those three things. I found myself like my life. I was like, wow, like all these things. I'm like, what am I going to do? And I did ask myself that I was like,
How did I get here? That was such a big question because during the pandemic, right, everyone's at home. You're like, I wasn't working. So it was like, how did I get here? And it made me think a lot about my childhood and how I was raised. And that ended up really correlating to why my relationship ended, right? Like I didn't have a healthy model of like a relationship and communication.
And then that ultimately I was like, okay, with parenting, how do I want to show for my son? So all these things are so, you know, right? It seems like this, like such a big concept of like all these things in your life, but it all connects. And it's really cool when you're able to go through it, you know, sit through all your trauma and decide like, okay, I'm finally going to work on myself. And I, I,
Judy Tsuei (09:19.758)
One thing I should always, I should mention is like, I would never blame my parents, right? Like for the things I went through, I had a lot of, I did have a lot of trauma. My father was physically and emotionally abusive and it was, he was a product of his parents. So yeah, I guess to tie things together is, you know, during the pandemic, I was looking for a way to,
really just show up for my son intentionally. Now that we were co -parenting, he was going back and forth between homes. And I was like, what does that look like for a three -year -old to make him feel supported, to make sure that he grew up feeling loved by both his dad and I and giving him the best experience, even though it was a hard situation. And basically, you know,
opportunities tend to find you when you're not looking for it. I was not looking to start a business at all. I was at a dollar store and I saw this little mini planner. I'll show you because wrong video, but this is what it was. My son's name is Emil. So this is like a $2 planner. And we started writing in just what he was doing at my home, gave him stickers when he did something, you know, great. And it was just like a nice.
like shared family journal. And I was like, wow, this is so useful for us in so many ways, because at three, he couldn't tell us what was going on. And as parents, right, of course, we want to know all the details of our kid's life. And, you know, missing out on it was was really painful, and it made me super sad. So having like this this diary, essentially of his life.
was just so comforting. Like, you know, and so this was 2021. And then later that year, I decided to turn it into a business because I wasn't working and I was like, it just seemed natural. Like, I guess I definitely stood upon it. But yeah, that's how my business Home Sweet Home's journal was born.
Judy Tsuei (11:32.91)
So one of the reasons that we met in person was so that you could give me one of your journals so I could experience it because it was actually something that my daughter's therapist had recommended. You should get a journal and give her an opportunity to jot down, my daughter's now nine, but to jot down her feelings and what you're doing and what you were talking about in regards to how hard it is to not know what's happening at the other parent's house, not being there for your child during these pivotal ages. I distinctly remember.
When we separated, my daughter was five and just week by week, seeing her over those gaps and seeing how much she grew in that time, like coming back and noticing that she was bigger, taller, you know, had a different vibe about her. Like it was just so interesting to see. And I think that when you're making these choices about what's best for you as a parent, as a human being, and what's best for your child.
There are so many opportunities to feel guilty, to feel like you failed. And thankfully I had a child therapist who said, a friend of mine who told me, you know, we need to redefine what a successful relationship looks like. A successful relationship can also look like when you say our relationship has met its end. There is no more about this, like, you know, and not repeating different traumas. So I mentioned it before in a podcast when I was getting divorced that I mentioned it to my three younger siblings and we all grew up in the same shared household.
And when I was talking about how I was thinking of taking the step, each one of them said to me, please don't do what mom and dad did, please get divorced. And so each of us in our own way experienced the impact of two people who felt like they had to stay together. And similar to you, you know, I don't blame them. They went through such hardships growing up, emigrating, like all of the things they were doing, what they knew.
And mental health was definitely not something that was advocated for during their generation. And it's only something that's like increasing in our generation, but even in our generation, like there's still so much attached to it. So I love that you created a resource and a tool to stay connected. Cause I think that that's one of the most challenging things for a parent, for someone who has to co -parent. So can you tell me some of the things that you were hoping to?
Judy Tsuei (13:40.11)
know, come out of this or what you've noticed from the people who've purchased your journals or things that you've, you know, therapists have said about this. Definitely. So it's really meant to do a couple things. And one, we talked about that connection, right? You know, with children, like they're the ones dealing with the back and forth and there's no sense of cohesiveness. Like, I don't know, you know, some coherence, they don't spend time together with their child. Right. So I think having
at least this one thing, this one book, this one journal with both parents handwriting. And I really encourage parents to like, you know, okay, let's be realistic. It's not always possible to journal every day. The journal is also an undated yearly planner. And there are days where, you know, I get my son back on Thursdays and we don't write in the journal until Sunday sometimes because we like, it's just so hectic. So sometimes if we miss a day, like I will write a note just to my child about like,
you know, hey, I'm really proud of you for, you know, whatever, like just something that is everlasting because they will have this forever, right? And I was like, so it really is this like way to be connected with your child, not just in that moment, but it's everlasting. The other thing it's meant to do is you've noticed that each month has an affirmation theme. And why I put those in was like, I really...
wanted a teaching tool just, you know, coming from parents who have never really said anything nice or positive to me. I feel like that has, it can hinder what you, the choices you make in life, right? Like as far as like taking a risk and, you know, believing in yourself. So those are some of the things I was like, you know, if they even see it or practice it, like one of the exercises is to like write it on the mirror. And we do that.
We write the affirmation on the mirror each month. And even if we don't, you know, like, so it's on the bathroom, we walk in every, how many times you go to bathroom, right? Like many times during the day. So it's always there. And I was like, the more times my son says it, but I was like, equally, I say it too, right? Like it's, we still need it for ourselves. So we talked about connection and we talked about like the positive self -talk and then just like having like a memories, like,
Judy Tsuei (16:05.838)
you know, just memories of your child's life. Like we live in such a digital world where, right, my phone has 60 ,000 photos. You know, my son was looking through his book the other day. He's like, no, you know, I like best about this. It's like the pictures, because I put it together a little like collage of, you know, I print out a couple of pictures of each month. So I was like, I didn't know he's never really.
said that to me before, but he was like looking through them. He spent a lot of time going through his old book. I was like, that's really sweet. And probably the most, one of the most important, the last thing is emotional regulation. In each journal entry, daily journal entry, there are, in the co -parenting where there's five faces, in the generic one for any family, there's six faces. And having kids practice some sort of, you know, like,
getting it out there, expressing themselves, putting the words, like I felt frustrated today because, right? Like I felt nervous today because I, you know, had to do my piano recital, right? Like I don't think my parents have ever, ever asked me how I felt about things. And, you know, I think I know that affected my relationships, right? Not being able to communicate these things, you know?
whether it's in your relationship, in the workplace, like wherever. So, you know, a lot of therapists, like when they see, you know, this exercise and even parents, they're like, you know, I think all these four things, they like some element, but there's a lot to the book. And it's, you know, I never want to say it's like just a journal because it teaches kids and parents so much while giving them what I hope is a really
great solid foundation for our relationship later in life. I love that. You're bringing in so many elements of being raised in traditional Asian households and a lot of that same, I was never given an affirmation. I was always given a lot of criticisms and then seeing that one thing when I became a parent where what you say to your child becomes their inner voice, like, oh yeah, well, so then it's no wonder that my inner voice can.
Judy Tsuei (18:26.606)
be critical, it can be harsh, you know? And a lot of times it's because that stuff becomes familiar to you. Like that's what you know. And so even stepping outside of that, growing into understanding there's a whole plethora of emotions that you can feel, like knowing how to express that. Like all of those feel risky if that's not something that you were taught how to do when you were growing up. And so even into adulthood, I think being able to have the exercises that you're creating is so wonderful. It reminds me that I...
created an email address for my daughter that I email her every now and again because something big will happen or even something small or something in the co -parenting situation that I can't express to her or she's not here and that I'm thinking about. It's more of like I want her when she's older, if God forbid anything ever happens to me, that she would know that I cared that she would have these letters from me. And so what you're also sharing is,
just these wonderful opportunities to connect with your child. And I'll say like, you know, I asked you, what if your relationship with your co -parent is not that great? So then how can you do this? And you, similar to my daughter's therapist had said, like, you can still do it at your house. You can still do those things and you can still like fill it in. And so there are opportunities to adapt it however your life is and that each time that you're doing this with your child, it's an opportunity to reflect upon your own.
inner child, I would say, your own like, you know, re -parenting. And you had mentioned before when we met, like, this was not the course of life that you thought you were going to take. Like you did the traditional, you worked at Yahoo, did you not? Yeah, I was there for a long time. Yeah. But you get laid late. Yeah. And being able to pivot and like, you know, I think it's such a beautiful story arc where you've turned.
something that you needed and that opportunity of reflection into a tool. You also sell these on TikTok. Can you tell me about that? Oh, gosh. That started last summer and I got my first co -parenting journal up there. And I've had a couple of viral videos and the last one was this past like two weeks ago, literally two weeks ago. And it is such an amazing feeling to one, like,
Judy Tsuei (20:48.206)
have a business that, you know, like I made something, I still think about it, I think it's pretty wild. Like I made something to fix a problem that I had, but now other people need it too. And yeah, it was a viral TikTok and it just, the fact that there are so many parents out there who want to do better, that, you know, this need to.
have kids talk about their feelings. That was what the video was about. It had my son, he was looking at the new journal and he saw there was one more face in it. And he's like, oh, I like this one better because it has extra faces, extra feelings. He's like, there's more I can pick from. That's what he said. And a lot of parents were like, wow, it was so, it was just like a not pro, I never have them script anything. It's just very natural. But that was it. You know, like we...
have this need and we see the need for our kids to talk about their big emotions, right? No matter what, like my son had, like I will tell you, he had a gigantic meltdown on Friday. Like, and this is normal, right? Like most times, like things are amazing, but sometimes, right? Like you never know. Gigantic meltdown. I couldn't even bring him to school that day. Cause I was like, I don't feel like it's, you know, he was crying and I was crying. It was bad. So.
We just let, you know, we let things pass and settle and then we came back to it later with the journal, right? And I was like, okay, you know, when we were, when this happened, what were you feeling inside, right? So it was just a very, you know, I definitely use this as a tool to repair, reflect, and you know, that's all you can do as a parent, right? Just keep talking about it, keep educating your child.
helping them through the emotions. So I hope that it's working. But you know, at night he is prepared to like share with me how he's feeling and things like that. So I think, yeah, I want to say it is working and thank you to TikTok for getting my content out there. That's so amazing. I love that so much. If people want to order this journal now that we've been talking about it and you said there are two different kinds. So can you tell me about that?
Judy Tsuei (23:10.734)
Yes, so my original was called Home Sweet Homes. And then I had a follow up called All About Me by Us. Essentially, the content is exactly the same except Home Sweet Homes has a place for kids to write in their schedule because I feel like that's such a big thing for, you know, co parent of kids. They are subject to, you know, changes like we have a different summer schedule versus school schedule. And then sometimes things come up, right? Like,
he's had to stay with dad when I, you know, or vice versa. So every day I review his schedule and there's a place that says today I am with, and then I write mom or dad, mom, dad. And then for days that we transition, we do like mom slash dad. So he knows kids are prepped and I feel like kids, co -parenting kids will always have to, they're always gonna have to deal with this. So that's the main difference between Home Sweet Homes and All About Me by us is just like that.
there's a little bit more help for co -parented kids in, and it references two homes in the co -parented version. And it is available on Amazon and my websites and TikTok, which is most sweet homes journal. That's amazing. So I always ask every guest at the end, if you had to say fuck saving face about something, what would you say fuck saving face about? Living in fear, in that space of fear.
Right? I think it often will lead to regret of not having done something, you know, being, I think saying like, I wish I had, because I don't want to be like 90 years old on my deathbed saying, God, I wish I had, right? I hadn't just taken the plunge and decided to, you know, hire a designer, like do those little steps. Like now all these people that are using the journal, like wouldn't be able to use it. So.
Yeah, fear is a scary thing. Obviously, it's very scary, right? You're putting yourself out there, but regret is, I think it's the harder choice to live with. That's a good line. Thank you so much for your time today. And I'm so grateful for the work that you're doing, because I know that there are many, many parents out there and many, many kids who need the support that you're offering.
Judy Tsuei (25:30.35)
having this simple tool and we've had so many studies published about why journaling is so powerful for you. And so being able to start this habit from a young age is absolutely incredible. So thank you so much. Thank you so much, Judy. I'm so glad you're using it and thanks for having me on the show. Thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode. Be sure to connect with me on social media.
You can look me up at my name, Judy T -S -U -E -I. This is what I say every single time I have to spell out my name to a phone operator. T as in Tom, S as in Sam, U -E -I. So you can look me up there. You can find me on LinkedIn. You'll find me on Instagram. And you can sign up for the Heartbeat Newsletter where I'm sharing more of these stories in depth.
Judy Tsuei (26:20.078)
Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you'd like to support me and this show, please go to iTunes and leave your review. It means so much to me and it'll help others find this podcast. I'll catch you in the next episode. And if you'd like to stay in touch between now and then, please visit wildheartedwords .com and sign up for my weekly newsletter. I've had people share with me that it's the best thing to arrive in their inbox all week. Aloha.
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Keywords: F*ck Saving Face podcast, mental health, emotional health, Asian Americans, adversity, opportunity, emotional support, connection, co-parenting, journal, affirmation, emotional regulation, communication, reflection, repair, parent-child relationship
